#do we really want to engage in such reckless speculation

[ivan-fyodorovich-k]

👀

[celticcrossanon]

BRF Reading - 27th of April, 2024

This is speculation only

Cards drawn on the 27th of April, 2024

How is King Charles's health? Is he as well as the articles are making out?

Interpretation: The King wants to get back to work. His body is not so keen on the idea.

Card One: The Knight of Wands

Knights are action cards, so straight away this tells me that the King wants to get back to work. The Knight of Wands represents someone who wants to get things done, they have important tasks they want to complete. This is someone who is enthusiastically manifesting an idea into the world.

However, the Knight of Wands can be rebellious, and they can be an 'act first, think later' person, which suggests to me that the King may be letting his impatience to get back to work so he can push through his idea overrule the need to go slower for the sake of his long term recovery. Maybe. Perhaps. We'll see what the other cards say.

Card Two: The Queen of Swords in reverse

This is not a good energy, and not one that I wanted to see here. In the reverse, the Queen of Swords is a cold, calculating, bitter, deceitful energy. It can also be someone who is overly emotional and is making decisions based on emotion, not on logic. It is this second meaning that is coming through strongly from this card. King Charles is making his decision to go back to work based on his emotions and not on logic (i.e. the doctor's report). He thinks he is ready to go back but I would not be surprised if he finds it far more exhausting than he anticipated when he does return to his face to face visits. He is being ruled by his desire to complete some tasks or do something that is important to him, as per the Knight of Wands, instead of what he should logically do, which appears to be stay home and rest some more (the opposite of his emotion based decision to return to work).

Card Three: The Emperor in reverse

Another not-good card. The Emperor represents the King in his role as King, and in the reverse, with respect to this question, it tells me that King Charles is not well enough to return to work (even though he is going to do it anyway). The Emperor card is reversed, so King Charles's health is reversed, which means it is not good and he needs more rest/time/treatment before he stresses his recovering body by doing things like returning to face to face engagements.

In a general sense, the Emperor in reverse represents some one who is stubborn, a bit reckless, and who wants to be in control. The stubborn energy is coming through here - King Charles wants to get back to work so he will return to work and he won't take heed of any advice to the contrary.

I am really not happy about this card. I am getting very strong energy that The King needs to stay home and not stress himself so his body can recover, and that is the opposite of going back to face to face duties.

Underlying Energy: The Five of Pentacles, reversed

This card represents coming back in after being exiled, which would be The King returning to work after his time away. From a health perspective, this card has mixed meanings. It can mean that the body is beginning to recover from an illness, or it can mean that the illness is worsening and someone is abusing their body. I think both meanings are true here. I think that The King has reached a turning point in his illness and has started to feel a lot better, but I also think that his continued recovery depends on him continuing to stay at home and rest, and that by returning to work he is stressing his body when it is not returned to full health and that might result in a worsening of his illness or a slowing or even reversal of his recovery.

Extra Card: The Magician

I asked if we should believe the media reports of The King's health and the card I drew was the Magician. The Magician is the card of manifesting and of PR spin. This card tells me that the media articles on The King's health are not accurate, they are being spun ti make him appear better/more recovered than he is in fact.

Conclusion:

The King wants to get back to work. That energy came through this reading very clearly. He has some project/s or plan/s that he wants to implement or finish and he wants to get back to work so he can push them through. His decision to return to face to face activities is emotional, not logical, and is likely to have been made with The King not fully considering his doctor's advice (he may be only hearing what he wants to hear - I am sure we have all dealt with patients like that).

The cards say that his health is not good, he is not recovered, he has made a good beginning and/or reached a point where he is starting to feel better, but he needs more rest before his body will be able to cope with the workload of face to face work. The King is being stubborn and insisting on returning to work anyway. So, all we can do is wait and see how that goes.

There is a warning not to believe the media reports of the King's health - they are being spun to make his health appear better than what it is in reality.

I am quite worried about The King's health. I don't think he is going to die, or anything like that, but I do think his return to face to face work is premature and it will rebound on him, leading to a delayed recovery or more health issues later on. I would be much happier if he took another few weeks or month off before returning to his full workload.

[woodchipp]

So I didn't want to keep blowing up your messages on that post, so I'll try to respond as concisely and respectfully as I can here :)

Some of these are my opinions, some are speculation, and some are pulled directly from the Canon, but feel free to disagree all the same. This isn't me trying to argue, but tbh, I like engaging in debates/talking to people about media that I enjoy so I can get a different perspective on what to do/not as a writer. So here we go.

"That's basically the issue I take with the twist - a good chunk of the foreshadowing could be construed as Sunny feeling guilty about Mari's *suicide*, not his *manslaughter*. We're also not shown much of the process of Sunny's frustration growing until it boils over and he breaks the violin, so it just makes him flipping out at his sister feel out of left field."

I agree and that's where most of Omori's problem comes from. We're never shown the gap between when the photo album takes place and where the argument happens and I always had a feeling that it was tact on. We're told that Sunny was dealing with pain from the violin in a random throwaway line, but that was never conveyed. There should've been more of a build-up for what Sunny did, but I always saw it as more of the heat of a moment thing since the recital was happening, giving Mari a reason to be harder on him, on top of him already feeling nervous because, unless I'm mistaken, Sunny did deal with feeling nervous about the recital and only took up the violin because he wanted to spend time with her, not because he wanted to play. But nonetheless, that doesn't excuse the poor writing.

Again, feel free to disagree with him, but his breaking the violin shows where his priorities lay, and that was never on the violin, but his relationship with Mari. The violin was supposed to serve as a tool he could use to spend time with Mari, but all it ended up doing was driving them apart and having his doubts about himself fully realized because, from what we can tell, he always thought that he wasn't really good at anything (as evidence by what the books say in the Lost Library) and was more a less of a burden on his friends (which things ends up being proven to be true since his killing Mari burdens his friends AND his cowardly running away from the action stunts his growth and turns him into a being devoid of any meaning or purpose in life but to escape from the guilt he brought onto himself.)

So basically, already not feeling good enough was proven because he kept messing up his part, wanting to spend time with his sister and then indirectly driving their relationship into something that can only be indulged in if he's doing something he doesn't want to do. And I get it, "If he didn't want to, he should've said something," but tbh, it's more realistic for preteen kids to try to hang out with their "big kid" older siblings on their terms because they want to feel closer to them. My evidence? Like I said, having siblings with roughly the same age gap as Sunny and Mari.

(Ironically, I also played the violin and there were so many times my siblings wanted to play with me to spend time with me, so eh, funny coincidence there.)

11/12-year-olds are very emotional and reckless at times, and they tend to take a lot of things at surface level. I'm not attempting to justify Sunny's actions, but I've seen in action how QUICKLY rambunctious they get, ESPECIALLY in arguments or physical altercations with siblings.

My issue with Omori is that Mari is displayed as perfect and NOT the typical sibling, which makes their fight unrealistic to me. Sunny at the moment was a realistic child, but you can't honestly expect me to believe that someone as perfectly shown as Mari would've got into a physical altercation with Sunny in good faith, no matter how angry she was.

Mari needed to be aged closer to Sunny and to be closer to the average sibling for the fight to have been believable. Give a reason for the fight to be believable, because fights between siblings resulting in more harm than what was intended occurs A LOT in real life, age gaps be damned, but part of the emotional impact needs to be about the siblings' closeness, so why not just show a normal sibling relationship with ups and downs rather than this idealistic "mother-son" bond that they had?

That's what breaks it for me. In this case, yes, I believe that with how perfectly Mari was displayed, they should've gone for a suicide angle, whereas if they wanted to do a "younger sibling accidentally killed older sibling" they needed to make said older sibling believable. But I guess they thought that if Mari wasn't showcased as perfect, then the audience wouldn't have been endeared to her, which is just stupid logic because Aubrey is a problematic character (tbh they all are), and yet a lot of people still like her? Omocat confuses me sometimes.

Sunny should've had to explore the implications of the suicide while also piecing together that Mari WASN'T a perfect person, but the game seems to want to double down on that for some reason. You can't have your cake and eat it too game; either she was a good person who never would've engaged with her brother to such an angry and jarring degree OR she was a flawed, realistic person who got into a fight with her brother over a stressful thing that neither of them could communicate properly on, but the game doesn't seem to want to explore either of those things. Headspace Mari being perfect makes sense. He killed her. The least he can do is idolize her and make her an "angel figure." But then real world Mari is ALSO idealized? And I'm just like, that doesn't make any sense, but sure, ok...

"Also, from what I've heard (although so far it's unconfirmed), Mari was actually intended to have killed herself and the whole manslaughter twist was added MUCH later on, which would probably explain why it feels so inorganic with the rest of the story."

That makes sense and I also had a feeling that was the case.

"Isn't the whole good ending about how he's free to move on and how he'll no longer feel guilty? I mean, the additional secret cutscene even shows his and Basil's Somethings fading away entirely."

Ok, so here's where I start to disagree a bit. Sunny shouldn't feel shame (which is what I think you mean rather than guilt, but I could be mistaken", he should feel guilty. And I'm sure you going to ask, "Well what's the difference?" (Or maybe you already know, and it's my fault for assuming you don't.)

Shame, in this case, is a selfish thing. What Sunny did was a selfish thing. He killed his sister, albeit accidentally, and then pretty much hid said shame under the guise of an idealistic dream."

Guilt is feeling bad because you did a bad thing to another person, shame is believing you ARE a bad person. The guilt never goes away, it's the shame that does. Guilt is a healthy thing, shame typically isn't (it depends on the action tbh.)

The problem with shame is that it doesn't drive anyone to do anything but wallow in self-pity. If you truly believe you're a bad person, then 9 times out of 10, you're not going to make the effort to prove said belief wrong because shame goes deeper than a thought process. It's an entire evaluation of your character that doesn't even have to exist because you did something wrong, some people just feel shame naturally. Shame is heavily related to OCD (guilt can be too, but people with shame-related OCD usually believe they're bad people rather than they simply did/thought a bad thing).

Whereas you're constantly in a cycle of blaming yourself and feeling terrible and as a result of being in said cycle of shame, you never FORWARD yourself, and if you never do that, then you never take the time to try to right the person(s) you wronged.

Sunny should feel guilty and it's never said that it goes away, he still did a terrible thing to another person and as long as that fact remains, the guilt will always be there. It's the belief that he's an inherently evil person that goes away.

Guilt is healthy, shame isn't, and it's the guilt that drives him to come clean in the first place and the shame that drives him to, well, *glances at a bad ending.*

I feel like this is an issue with Omori fans when they say that Omori embodies the guilt because that's not true, he embodies that shame.

And we can see the logic, "I did a bad thing, so I'm bad and therefore I don't deserve to live," (and tbh I feel like the only people who don't deserve to live when they do bad things are like, r@pists and people into children and serial killers,) not a child who unintentionally killed their older sibling. Now if it was an older child who intentionally killed their younger sibling, I could see an argument there, but like I said, as a big sister, I couldn't in good faith believe that a younger sibling deserves to die over something they did unintentionally when they were twelve.

Whether or not Sunny is an inherently evil person once he's older is up to you when, but again, I can't as an older sibling say I wouldn't forgive my sibling for doing something to me like that. Maybe that's just me, but that's how I feel about it.

I noticed you said that you take issue with Mari forgiving Sunny in another post, but to me, as a big sister, that was the more realistic part of her character. Maybe it's not for everyone to agree on, but I couldn't see myself being angry/not forgiving my sibling over an accident, especially for causing said accident when they were twelve.

Anyway, that's just my thoughts. It's a bit of cluster fuck of ideas and concepts, and you're free to tear into them, but they're all just opinions at the end of the day.

We're told that Sunny was dealing with pain from the violin in a random throwaway line [...] unless I'm mistaken, Sunny did deal with feeling nervous about the recital

I don't think it was either pain or anxiety. He apparently viewed violin practice as a "nuisance" that prevented him from watching Saturday morning cartoons for as long as he wanted to and that's pretty much the only info you're given until the Black Space photo album lol

And I get it, "If he didn't want to, he should've said something,"

Eh, never saw any reason to apply that argument to him. Although I suppose it'd have been kinda interesting to see him initiate their big argument by blowing up at Mari because she got too harsh on him or something along these lines

part of the emotional impact needs to be about the siblings' closeness, so why not just show a normal sibling relationship with ups and downs rather than this idealistic "mother-son" bond that they had?

[...]

Sunny should've had to explore the implications of the suicide while also piecing together that Mari WASN'T a perfect person, but the game seems to want to double down on that for some reason. You can't have your cake and eat it too game; either she was a good person who never would've engaged with her brother to such an angry and jarring degree OR she was a flawed, realistic person who got into a fight with her brother over a stressful thing that neither of them could communicate properly on, but the game doesn't seem to want to explore either of those things. Headspace Mari being perfect makes sense. He killed her. The least he can do is idolize her and make her an "angel figure." But then real world Mari is ALSO idealized? And I'm just like, that doesn't make any sense, but sure, ok...

Yeah, exactly.

It baffles me to no end. We're told Sunny is quite the unreliable narrator right before the game reinforces his unreliable perception of Mari by portraying her as perfect in tne real world as well and it's just. ?????????????????

But I guess they thought that if Mari wasn't showcased as perfect, then the audience wouldn't have been endeared to her, which is just stupid logic because Aubrey is a problematic character (tbh they all are), and yet a lot of people still like her? Omocat confuses me sometimes.

People like Aubrey because she's *checks smudged writing on hand* an absolute girlboss and cunty. And if you don't like her, you're sexist. Seriously, that's most of the arguments I've seen being used in her defense when people talk about her lmao

I've spent quite a while dissecting this game and trust me, Omocat confuses me all the time. OMORI's writing desperately wants to be taken seriously but kinda just. falls apart when you actually take it seriously and think about it for more than 0.5 seconds

Omori representing Sunny's shame instead of his guilt would make the former disappearing after the DUET cutscene make sense. Huh, that's an Interesting interpretation

I noticed you said that you take issue with Mari forgiving Sunny in another post, but to me, as a big sister, that was the more realistic part of her character. Maybe it's not for everyone to agree on, but I couldn't see myself being angry/not forgiving my sibling over an accident, especially for causing said accident when they were twelve.

Ironically, my issue with Mari forgiving Sunny is that it kinda makes her look even more perfect than she already is. Like she's so perfect that she can't even get angry at her brother for cutting her life short

In any case, this was a pretty nice and civil discussion. Thank you for writing me! :D

[cube-cumb3r]

The Means Reflect On The Ends Actually, (c!Dream & the conditioning of Exile)

What was the point of exile, storywise? What does it say about c!Dream? Sure, it’s showcasing how far he’s willing to go to achieve his own ends, but I don't think all discussion about what exile tells us about c!Dream should start and end there.

Dream is not cruel for cruelty’s sake. Dream’s end goal is not to hurt as many people as possible. He views his cruelty are “necessary evils”, and he doesn’t dwell much on whether the things he does are “good” or “bad”. He’s fully aware he’s hurting people and he ultimately thinks that hurting people, to the extent that he does, is worth it. That being said, while Dream has an ends justify the means mindset, but the truth is, the means absolutely reflect on the ends. His true intentions aren’t a mystery, it’s very clear in the text that his ultimate goal is unity, but why does he want unity? And what would said unity entail?

(Before this essay starts I have to do an ad break to promo @daggryet's very helpful [transcriptions from the exile streams], which I'll be using a lot of. Thanks for the very helpful resource.)

TW: Relatively extensive discussion abt the abuse in exile arc & the effects of said abuse.

Firstly, I don't think you should deny his relationship to control. A through-line of his character is achieving harmony through control, and more specifically, obedience. There’s a reason why he tends to single out Tommy the most. It’s not actually because Tommy is remarkably more troublesome than anyone else on the server, but rather, because his disruptive nature is at Dream’s expense. Tommy is the only character who’s consistently over and over again refused to respect Dream’s authority, and though he isn’t particularly threatening on his own, it’s the sentiment itself that’s dangerous. Similarly, this is why he has consistently targeted L’manburg, moreso than any other faction on the server such as, say, Badlands, El Rapids. It’s almost as if they represented the sentiment, “Hey, why are we listening to you anyway? Why can’t we be listening to anyone else?”, which is why he crushed them, over, and over again. What if everyone figures out they can just stop listening to him? What then?

We talk a lot about the effects exile had on Tommy, and rightfully so, but we don’t talk enough about what Dream was actually doing. What was the purpose of exile? Was it just a way to get closer to the discs? Just a means to an end? What was the end?

TOMMY: What, what could you possibly want more from me? You’ve tortured me.

DREAM: I’m just keeping an eye on you, Tommy.

TOMMY: What does that mean?!

DREAM: I’m just, I’m making sure that you’re not up to no good.

TOMMY: But, how, you’ve exiled me, you fucking stupid, manipulative fucking green bastard!

DREAM: I know! And you know why I did that?

TOMMY: Yes? 

DREAM: No, you know why?

TOMMY: Why?

DREAM: Because you don’t listen to me ever, you’re the only person who doesn’t ever listen to me. If I tell you to do something, you’re like “no, fuck you!”, and you go and like do like the exact opposite.

[full transcription]

As much as I have to preface this with that this is speculative and we may not have any irrefutable confirmation, I think it's very likely that it's literally just what Dream is saying he's doing. Tommy is the one person who refuses to listen to him, and he wants him to listen. Exile was not only conditioning Tommy to believe that nobody other than Dream cares about him, not only conditioning Tommy to be entirely reliant on him, but also conditioning Tommy to listen to him, without question, without disobeying. And that is such a significant and reoccurring motif for it to arguably just be the intended reading of exile.

Abuse is a vague term that encompasses a lot of abusive practices. There are a good handful that apply to exile, I'm sure if you ask someone qualified they'll be able to provide you a nice handy list, but ultimately, all of them target Tommy's own sense of agency and autonomy, and it all revolves around power and control. Dream creates rituals purely to disarm him, threatens him and punishes him when he doesn't listen, and rewards him when he complies (or rather, conditions Tommy into thinking that not being punished is a reward).

TOMMY: [begins throwing his armor and axe down for DREAM to explode.]

DREAM: No, no, it’s fine.

TOMMY: Re-really?

DREAM: Yeah. Today’s the party, right?

---

TOMMY: So when can I- no, I wanna go back. I… hey, thanks for letting me keep my armour today.

DREAM: You’re welcome.

TOMMY: Kinda nice of you.

[full transcription]

Dream isn’t only hurting Tommy for the sake of hurting him. People tend to frame it as if Dream Just Hates Tommy, but that’s not true. He finds Tommy fun, in a twisted way. There are a lot of moments in exile where they’re both on very good terms and Dream is friendly with Tommy. But, it's also all part of horror of exile, making Tommy reliant on him and his company, getting him to doubt his sense of reality, making him question whether his friends back in L’manburg ever cared about him at all, and possibly questioning whether he’s imagining the abuse as well, Dream is so kind to him after all, why would he ever want to hurt him?

Over the course of exile Tommy agency and sense of self start to deteriorate as well as his mental health, he starts worrying about what Dream would think, starts asking Dream for permission, going out of his way to avoid upsetting him, his only friend, his only reliable caring companion.

TOMMY: Yeah, so I’m thinking we- and then I can- but the thing is; so recently my buddy, Dream, has been doing this thing where he, uhm… it makes sense, though, because I’m not in his land anymore, but he takes my shit from me, so I need to make sure- […]

---

RANBOO: Yeah, so what do you say- does Dream like take your armor? Is that what you said?

TOMMY: I don’t know, he just- hey man, I just follow the boss.

[full transcription]

TOMMY: “Visit Techno” no, no, what would Dream think? […]

---

TOMMY: I’ve had a little idea, by the way, and I wanna know what you think, and also if I’m allowed

DREAM: Okay?

[full transcription]

TOMMY: Yeah, I know he’s actually - he’s sort of my- he’s borderline my owner, Big Q, so I’m not really sure.

MEXICAN DREAM: He’s your dad?

TOMMY: No, no-

MEXICAN DREAM: Ey! Ey, Papa Thomas!

TOMMY: No, no, we’re- as in labor.

MEXICAN DREAM: You gotta teach your child some manners.

[full transcription]

Dream’s outburst in exile after finding Tommy’s chests, is arguably one of Dream's most emotionally honest (and reckless) moments in exile considering it was what made Tommy realize he needed to save himself and escape. And it's punishing Tommy for going behind his back and planning to revolt.

TOMMY: I’m really, no, I’m really sorry, though. Why don’t we just pretend this never- yeah, let’s, shall we just pretend this-?

DREAM: Sorry doesn’t cut it, Tommy. Listen, I’ll leave you here to think about what you did-

TOMMY: What about the nether? What about the nether, my friends, what-?

DREAM: No! You can’t go to the nether, no one can come here, you are alone, okay? As soon as I think that you have changed, have become somebody who isn’t going to hide and lie and try and revolt; then people can visit you again. You can go to the nether again. But for now - no, no one can. You- I was being very lenient. Yesterday I let you go into the Dream SMP on a temporary pass, and then what do I find out the next day?

TOMMY: I’m so sorry.

DREAM: I have been nothing but gracious to you. Tommy. Think about what you did.

---

Exile wasn’t only a means to getting closer to the discs or getting Tommy out of the way. Exile was a means to conditioning Tommy into listening and respecting Dream as his superior. Dreams solution to Tommy being disruptive and troublesome was to [physically beat], emotionally abuse, and psychologically condition him into obedience. Only seeing exile as a testament to how far how willing he was go to meet his ends is reductive, and not acknowledging what Dream considers to be a “problem” and what he considers to be “solutions” is to not engage with his worldview. You have to take exile into account and what it actually says about his ideals of harmony and unity.

---

TOMMY: I can’t go back… I can’t go back, and see my friends and see Tubbo. This is a shithole! He wasn’t- he wasn’t here ‘cause he was my friend. He was here to- what did he say on the first day? Got a little bug that he can’t flig off? I’m the only person who never does exactly what he says?

TOMMY: I’m the only person who never does what he says. Me! He said that to me, didn’t he?

TOMMY: He was here to watch me.

[full transcription]

Dream’s relationship to Tommy can (and honestly should) be compared to his relationship to the entire server at large. Not to imply that He Literally Wants To Abuse The Server, but rather the he views the server revolting as a problem, and the solution? Well. The [prison]. The hall of attachments. It’s no surprise that the disc war, a conflict that was initially only primarily between Dream and Tommy*, is suddenly about everyone. Bargaining and blackmailing using attachments, something Dream initially only subjected Tommy to, to keep him under his control, is now a means to control everyone.

Is Dream's goal of unity for the sake of the overall happiness and quality of life of the people living within said unity? I don’t doubt that this at some point in time was true. But, the fact that he’s willing to ruin lives and long-term psychologically destroy people over it, means that his goal isn’t unity for the sake of the people living in his ideal version of the server, but at their expense. Him believing he needs to control people to maintain unity and harmony means that he believes himself to know what's best for people moreso than the people themselves, and therefore he's the only one responsible enough to make decisions for them. And it also means that his motives has warped and twisted overtime, it’s likely that he’s become so fixated on the goal of unity itself that he’s lost track of why he wanted it in the first place.

Anyway. Stop buying into Dream's own self-justification of "ends justify the means" and put his deeply flawed and broken worldview and view of people under a little bit of goddam scrutiny.

[thetravelerwrites]

Ravadhi (Part 9)

Rating: Mature Archive Warning: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationship: Female Human x Male Half-Orc Additional Tags: Exophilia, Half-Orc, Monster Boyfriend, Interspecies Romance,Angst, Slow Burn Content Warning: Domestic Violence, Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Alcoholism, Drug Abuse Words: 4148

Holly finds out what her mother left for her in the deposit boxes. Afterward, she and Ravadhi settle into a comfortable routine until it's suddenly shattered. Please reblog and leave feedback!

The Traveler's Masterlist

Holly arrived at the bank only ten minutes after leaving, which was not at all enough time to mentally prepare her for what she was about to find in the deposit boxes, left for her by her dead mother.

She waited in the line anxiously, her fist clenched around the keys that Tonri had given her and her chest tight.

“I can help the next guest,” The teller called. Holly knew him distantly from school, he was a Ratfolk man name was Auro. The two of them hadn’t been friends or really even spoke to each other, but like everyone at school, he knew who she and her dad was, and speculated along with everyone else. Despite that, he hadn’t ever bullied her or ignored her existence out of guilt.

“Hello, what can I help you with today?” He asked as she approached

“Hi, I inherited the keys to safety deposit boxes--” She checked the paperwork she’d received from Tonri. “F152, F153, F154, and F155.”

“Okay, I’ll just need the keys, a photo ID, the death certificate of the decedent, and inheritance letter?”

“Uh, yes, right here.”

She handed the documents to Auro, who took them and scanned them briefly, stopping on the name and glancing up uncomfortably. It was a well known fact that Holly’s mother had disappeared when she was young, but she guessed the news that she was dead hadn’t made the gossip rounds yet.

Auro cleared his throat. “Of course, right this way.” He left his desk and led Holly to a private room. “Wait here a moment and the boxes will be brought to you,” He said.

“Okay, thanks.”

She waited tensely for about five minutes. Then, Auro returned with the four boxes, setting them on the table in front of Holly. He also left a large bank bag on the table.

“Would you like privacy?” Auro asked.

“Yes, please,” Holly replied in a small voice.

He nodded and smile sympathetically, then left and closed the door.

Feeling tears prick her eyes, she sat in front of the four boxes, steeling herself to look inside. She picked the one on the right and pulled it toward her. With shaking hands, she turned the key and slowly opened the lid.

The first thing she saw were the pictures. Hundred of them. Pictures of her, of Holly as a baby, of the two of them smiling and happy and together.

Holly cried softly. She thought all the pictures had been destroyed. She spend a long time looking at the photographs of her and her mother. As she shuffled through them, and envelope fell out from the pile. She picked it up and examined it, and on the front, in her mother’s handwriting, was the word, “Holly.”

Sniffling and attempting to stem the flow of her tears, she carefully slit open the envelope and took out the contents. It was a letter. It was dated seven months before Holly’s mother disappeared.

            My baby girl,           I’m so, so sorry.        If you’re reading this, it means that son of a bitch actually killed me and my attempt to escape with you has failed. I’m sorry. I tried. I tried so hard, but he was always one step ahead of me, no matter what I did.        You once asked me, when you were very little, why I was with your father if he made me so sad. I couldn’t answer you then, because you were too young to understand. I was hoping to tell you this story in person one day when we were free of him, but it looks like that day will never come.       Abusive relationships never start out that way, you know. Your father started out sweet and kind and affectionate, and I was fooled. By God, was I fooled. He spent the first year of our relationship waiting on me hand and foot, doing anything I asked, lavishing me with gifts and attention. I was so struck by his attentiveness and loving nature that I fell for him very quickly. Looking back, I realize it was too quickly. I didn’t realize that his attention was manipulation, or that a pattern of dependence was beginning to develop.       The change was so slow that I didn’t even see it. It started with comments, off-handed observations. “Your mom was kind of rude to me today and your brother doesn’t like me. We shouldn’t go over there as much. Your friends talk about you behind your back. You should dump them and get better friends.” He began to drive a wedge between me and all of my relationships, until he was the only one left. He’d convinced me that my family hated me, that my friends were jealous of me. I started cutting ties with people who I loved dearly, and when no one was left, all I had was him. Which is exactly what he wanted.       Then there were sudden negative criticisms about my appearance or how I cooked or cleaned. I was gaining too much weight and wasn’t as pretty as I had been when we first started dating. I was spending too much time at school or work and not enough time with him. He began questioning where I went, how much money I spent, who I was with, why I was out so long. Whenever I protested, he simply said he was worried about me and that he didn’t want anything bad to happen to me, that I was careless, even reckless sometimes, and that I could get myself in trouble. I started questioning myself and actively avoiding things that would upset him. I thought he got angry with me was because he loved me. I didn’t realize he was trying to control me.       Before we got married, he had been pressuring me to leave school, saying that it was too expensive and he couldn’t afford it. I told him I could apply for grants and scholarships, but he wouldn’t hear a word of it. His temper was getting shorter and shorter by the day, and before I knew it, it seemed like he was always angry. He started drinking not long after we were engaged. But I loved him, and I figured it was just stress because of money. It was easy to dismiss the emotional and psychological abuse as stress or concern, but now I know it was never any of those things.       The physical abuse started shortly after we got married. By then, I wasn’t speaking to my family or friends anymore and we had moved to Willowridge for his work, so I was completely isolated. We had another argument about school, and it was the first time he laid a hand on me. He slapped me so hard that he knocked me to the floor, and I was shocked. Looking back now, it’s almost comically obvious that the relationship was heading in that direction, but at the time, I was terrified and so very confused. I was a smart person; smart people didn’t get into abusive relationships, it wasn’t possible. And now that I had alienated all of the people who could have helped me, I felt powerless.       My mother died, and I wanted to go to her funeral and patch things up with my family, but your father convinced me that my family didn’t want me there. They hadn’t called me, after all. There had been no invitation to attend. So I didn’t go. Then my father died, and shortly afterward, my brother took his own life. Suddenly, I was without family and it was now too late to reconnect with them. I dropped out of college due to a mental breakdown, which was what your father wanted. It was then that the abuse became extreme.       He would beat me for any small thing. I had no money, no friends, no resources, and I was now living in a town of which I wasn’t familiar. I felt trapped, but I also felt like it was my fault for falling for it, so perhaps it was what I deserved. I developed an eating disorder, lost a lot of weight, stopped leaving the house, and fell into a deep depression. I always felt anxious and sick. I didn’t even realize I was pregnant with you until I went into labor.       You were a month early, and so tiny. I hadn’t been to the doctor since before our wedding and the eating disorder made my period stop for months at a time, so I had no reason to believe I could have been pregnant.       When you were born, everything changed. I may not have been able to get out for myself, but for you, I would move mountains. I made a deal with your father; you know what it was. He wouldn’t let me work, so I had to scrounge and save any way I could. I was the weirdo who took all the coins from the “take a penny, leave a penny” tray. I dived into wishing fountains and scooped up handfuls of quarters. I’d lie to your father and say I lost the receipt when I went to buy groceries and couldn’t remember what the total was. It always earned me a beating, but it was worth it if I could manage to squirrel away even five dollars. I even sold my wedding and engagement rings. I expected to tell him I had lost them and get a beating, but he never asked about them. Someone who controlled every aspect of my life for years didn’t care that the proof of our marriage was missing. Fitting, I suppose.       I’m not sure how much I’ve managed to save; I’ve never had the chance to count it. I’ve also put away all of my jewelry, collectables, and any small thing I thought might be valuable sentimental or otherwise. I hope beyond hope that you’re free from him as you read this, but if you’re not, I hope I’ve saved enough to give you a chance to get away and live a better life. If there’s only enough for you to buy a bus ticket and get out of this godforsaken town, it’ll have been worth it.       I love you, Holly. I love you so much. If any good thing came out of that miserable bastard, it was you. You were a surprise, but once I saw your little face and your tiny hands gripped my finger, I’d have done anything to keep you safe. I’m sorry I fell short. If you hate me, I understand. But please, never doubt that I loved you. I only wish I could have been a better mother and protected you, and I hope you’re not too disappointed in me.          Forgive me. Forgive me.                    Mommy

There were tear stains on the paper, old ones from when it was written, and new ones as Holly read it. Holly held the letter to her chest and wept bitterly.

“I don’t hate you,” Holly sobbed. “I don’t.”

It took several minutes to compose herself. When she’d sniffled to a stop, she turned her attention to the other boxes. In the first, she found jewelry, coins, stock certificates, and the proof of purchase on the house. In the second, there were trinkets she’d saved from Holly’s childhood, like her footprint, her hospital bracelet, and the blanket in which she’d been wrapped in. In the third was a single item: a bank account card.

Holly took all of the items in the boxes and stepped out of the room, walking back up to the teller’s desk.

“There was this account card in the box,” She told Auro. “Do I have access to this?”

“Yes,” Auro said. “Your name is on the account.”

“Oh,” Holly said, surprised. “Can I check the balance?”

“Of course,” Auro said, entering the number into the computer. His hands stilled and he stared at the screen.

“Well?”

“Right,” He said, clearing his throat. “At present, you have $53,640.35 available in your account.”

“Fifty-three…” Holly trailed off. “That’s… mine?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Auro said. “You can use it whenever you like. I can give you a checkbook before you leave, and have a debit card mailed to you within the week.”

“Yes, please,” She replied faintly.

She rode home in a numb fog. When she arrived, Ravadhi and Sarah were sitting on the front porch as if waiting.

“Are you okay?” Ravadhi asked, immediately pulling her into a hug. You accepted it gladly. As soon as he wrapped her up in his arms, she started sobbing again, unable to stop, and started to collapse, her legs crumpling underneath her.

“Hey, it’s okay,” He said softly, moving to sit her down on the porch. Sarah sat on your other side and rubbed her arm.

“What happened?” Sarah asked.

“She left me some things,” Holly managed to gulp out, pulling some of the things from her bag to show Sarah

“Are these you when you were little?” Sarah said. “I’ve never seen pictures of you as a kid.”

“Dad got rid of them all,” Holly replied, shuffling through them to show her. “Or, I thought he had. Mom managed to save some.”

“You were really small,” Sarah said wonderingly. “Even smaller than me.”

“Mom said I was a month premature. I didn’t know that before,” Holly whispered.

“You’re mom said?” Ravadhi asked.

“Oh, she wrote me a letter,” Holly replied, pulling it from her pocket. She began to read the letter out loud to Sarah and Ravadhi. As private and emotionally charged as the letter was, Ravadhi and Sarah were the only two people in the world who Holly felt she could share it with, and because she could, she did. Not only that, she knew they would understand it in a way that no one else would.

“Do you hate her, like she said?” Sarah asked.

“No,” Holly told Sarah. “No, I couldn’t hate her if I wanted to. I wish she had been your mom, Sarah, she was such a good mom. The best.”

“Dad tricked her,” Sarah said, looking up at Holly sympathetically.

Holly nodded. “Yeah.”

“He didn’t trick my mom,” Sarah said bitterly. “All he had to do was pay for her drugs and vodka.”

“I’m sorry, Sarah,” Holly said. Sarah shrugged.

“So you own our house?” Sarah asked, changing the subject. “Are you going to kick mom out?”

“No,” Holly said. “It doesn’t matter what my feelings are for your mom, I will always make sure you have a home to go to, no matter what. But I think it’s best if she doesn’t know I own it, so maybe keep it under your hat.”

Sarah nodded knowingly.

Holly sighed heavily, wiped her face, and stood up abruptly. “Well, I am absolutely starving. Do you guys want breakfast?”

That night, Holly lay in bed, unable to quiet her mind. She had decided to keep the news about the money to herself until she knew what she wanted to do with it. There were a million possibilities bouncing around in her head, and she couldn’t pin one down. She could fix up the house for Sarah, put it away for Sarah’s college, put a down-payment on her own house, go back to school, anything. But deep down, Holly was worried.

Ravadhi had said at the beginning that she was to stay with him until she got back on her feet, but now they were dating. Would he want her to to find her own place since, she had the money to do it? She liked living with Ravadhi. It was the healthiest environment she’d ever lived in and she didn’t want to have to start all over again on her own. Was that co-dependent? Maybe, but healthy co-dependence was better than depressed, anxious solitude, as far as she was concerned. She didn’t want to leave, and she didn’t think he would just kick her out. But, as her mother’s letter had taught her, you could never be truly certain of a person’s motives or intentions. Ravadhi had been nothing but kind and caring toward her, but… people can change.

What if she could get custody of Sarah? That would be amazing. If she could prove Diane was an unfit mother, would they even let Holly get custody? She knew that they wouldn’t let Sarah live with a convicted felon, though, so if she could get custody, the matter of continuing to live with Ravadhi in his house would decide itself. As much as she cared for Ravadhi, Sarah was her first priority.

What if she lost the custody case and they put Sarah in some kind of group home? Ravadhi’s tale of being in a group terrified her and she’d never subject Sarah to it. Was it best to leave her in a neglectful environment where at least Holly knew she could take care of herself and be safe? Or try for custody and run the risk of losing her in the system?

Maybe she could ask Sarah. She had a good head on her shoulders and could make good decisions for herself. A lifetime of neglect from her own parents as well as having to take care of her beaten and bloodied sister on a regular basis had aged her prematurely, so she was used to it. Unfortunately.

There had been another thing that had been weighing heavily on her lately as well, even before learning about her inheritance: she and Ravadhi had been officially dating for about a month, but they had both cared about each other longer than that. Would… he be expecting sex? Even if he did, she didn’t think he would be the type to pressure her into it, especially given his history.

Eventually, she fell asleep, wondering if she should ask him about it. A few days later, when they were alone with each other and just sitting down to dinner, she broached the topic.

“Ravadhi?” She piped up shyly. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Of course, anything,” He said, picking up his fork and getting ready to tuck in to his pork stirfry and rice.

“Do… do you want to have sex with me?” She asked.

He immediately began to choke on the first bite of his food, and Holly rushed to get him some water in alarm.

When he was able to speak again, he asked, “Before I answer, is that an inquiry or a request?”

“An inquiry,” She replied.

“Okay,” He said, taking a deep breath and bracing his hands on the table. “Okay.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you,” Holly said, wincing.

“No, no, it’s okay,” He replied, clearing his throat and taking another sip of water. “I’m glad you feel comfortable enough with me to ask. That’s really important to me, that you feel safe and comfortable.” He knitted his fingers and took a second before answering, pondering the question over in his head.

“The short answer is: yes, I do, because I care about you in both a emotional and a physical way, and part of that is wanting to be intimate and sexual. The long answer is: yes, I do, but.”

“But?”

“Yes, I do, but… I know that it scares you and that you’re not ready. Yes, but I never want to do anything to hurt you or make you feel unsafe. Yes, but I’m willing to wait as long as it takes until you feel the time is right, even if that never comes. I’m here for you because I love you, not because I want to have sex with you. Your happiness and well-being is more important to me than that.”

Holly blinked and her mouth fell open. She stared at Ravadhi in silent shock.

His brow furrowed. “What?”

“You said you loved me.”

His cheeks darkened. “Oh. I… well… yeah. I do. Love you, I mean. It’s okay if you don’t or don’t want to say it.”

Holly’s heart raced and she felt confused. “Give me some time?”

He nodded. “Yeah, absolutely.”

She nodded in return, relieved. “Thanks. And… I appreciate you being cool with everything. It may not seem like a big deal to you, but it means a lot to me.”

He smiled fondly at her and continued eating.

The school semester came to an end, and Ravadhi passed all his exams, despite working two jobs and having taken Holly in during the month when he needed to study the most. Now that school was over for the summer, he took some more time to work on the house, which he hadn’t been able to do for a long time. Holly was happy to help him, and it became a new bonding activity for them both. Sarah slept over often since it was summer break, and the three of them were happy.

It was becoming easier for her to be physically affectionate with him, holding his hand and giving him hugs and kisses more casually, which was a huge step for her. He never brought up sex or being more intimate, and Holly appreciated it.

Ravadhi still had the plumbing and overnight security job, but now that school was out, he was able to take more shifts. Holly would stay up and text him until at least his lunch break at eleven P.M. to help him stay awake.

On a warm Thursday evening as the sun was going down, Holly sat on the back porch overlooking the closed-in backyard and watched some videos on her phone while texting Ravadhi back and forth. He was bored, like he always was during his shifts at the power plant. He worked alone at the front lobby and watched the cameras, which Holly was sure was nothing short of riveting. At least he was allowed to listen to music.

>What have you got playing? She asked.

>Sevendust. It’s my go-to band. Very effective at keeping me awake.

>I bet. Do you listen to any female fronted metal bands? I think you’d really like Epica and Otep. Epica has got a great opera vibe. Oh, and Sister Sin is a really good hard rock band. Great vocalist.

>I haven’t heard those bands. They sound awesome.

>I’ll make you a playlist.

>Nice. What are you up to?

>Enjoying the nice evening. I was going to clean up the kitchen before I went to bed, but I was tired. I’ll do it tomorrow after work.

>Going on rounds. I’ll text you back in a minute.

Holly switched back over to watching true crime videos on YouTube. She blinked, and when she opened her eyes, suddenly the sun was completely down. She looked at her phone and realize she must have fallen asleep: two hours had gone by. She went over to messages and texted Ravadhi. He hadn’t texted back yet, which was weird.

>Sorry, I fell asleep. Find anything?

Holly decided to go inside and actually clean the kitchen. By the time she was done, Ravadhi still hadn’t texted back.

>Everything okay?

Ten minutes passed and there was no response. Holly began to feel uneasy. With a pit in her stomach, she dialed the power plant’s main line. Ravadhi had to answer that phone, it was part of his job. The phone rang and rang and rang. Ravadhi never picked up.

Holly’s breath stalled in her chest with panic and she called the sheriff’s department.

“Sheriff’s department,” Holly heard.

“Hi, um, look, my boyfriend is at work and he’s not answering the phone, which is part of his job, and I’m worried something may have happened to him,” Holly said in a rush.

“I’m sure he’s fine, ma’am,” The deputy said dismissively. “He’s probably in the bathroom or something. I’m not sure this warrants a welfare visit.”

“I’m telling you, something is wrong,” Holly insisted. “I haven’t heard from him in hours. That’s not something that happens.”

“You’re probably overreacting,” He said. “Just calm down--”

“Who am I speaking to?” Holly asked, getting angry.

“Deputy Reynolds.”

“Well, Deputy Reynolds, my name is Holly Stevenson. Do you know that name?”

There was a few seconds of silence on the other end. “Yes, ma’am, I know who you are.”

“Then you know you owe me. You owe me.”

The deputy didn’t respond.

“The least, the very least, you can do is make sure the person who saved my life is okay. Do you understand me?”

“Yes, ma’am,” The deputy replied. “I’ll send an officer right away.”

“You do that,” Holly said. “And I expect a call when you get there.”

“Yes, ma’am,” The deputy said.

Holly hung up the phone and waited anxiously, biting her nails and pacing. A full thirty tense minutes later, she saw red and blue lights outside. She rushed to the door and threw it open. The sheriff himself stepped out of the car.

“What happened?” Holly asked.

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My Masterlist

The Exophilia Creator’s Masterlist

[rainy-day-gracie]

Old Friends 7

Hello!! 

This chapter KILLED me. Just get ready. 

More angst and fluff!!

Spencer Reid x Reader

Enjoy :)

Chapter 7: 

Just breathe. In and out. 

That’s what I told myself as I rode the elevator up to the BAU. 

It’s been almost six months since the day I realized I was going to live. Six months since someone I called my friend beat me to a pulp until my ex-boyfriend put a bullet in his brain. 

Riding up the elevator felt so much like my first day starting at the BAU. Except this time, I actually knew these people. And after my former experience, I couldn’t even bring myself to trust any of them anymore, even though I knew they would never try to hurt me. 

I had thought that before also. 

The first person that saw me was Morgan. “Hey, pretty girl is back!” 

A genuine smile fell across my lips. “I couldn’t stand watching baking shows anymore. Figured it was time to get back to work.”

“We’re so happy you’re back, YLN,” JJ said as she patted my arm with a smile. I fought back the flinch reaction I had to her touch. 

“Are you absolutely sure six months is enough time?” I heard Spencer ask from behind me. 

I didn’t even turn around when I answered. “Yes, Spencer, I’m fine.” 

He didn’t look too convinced when he stood next to me. Prentiss smiled when she saw me, and she walked over to stand next to JJ. 

“We may have a surprise for you.” Prentiss gestured for me to follow her to the briefing room.

“Please tell me it’s cake,” I whispered to JJ. She laughed and nodded. 

I realized when I walked in that it was red velvet cake. It was my favorite. 

Now it only reminded me of my blood spilling over Spencer’s hands in that basement. 

My smile never wavered. “You guys are the absolute best.”

I heard the thudding of Garcia’s high heels and I turned around to face her. “Oh my gosh, the beautiful genius woman has returned!”

She ran forward to hug me, and I immediately shrank into myself and took a few steps backwards. She retreated with an embarrassed look on her face, and I quickly tried to comfort her. “Sorry... um, I’m still struggling with touch.”

“No, no, I’m sorry. It’s just a habit.” She looked so sad in that moment that I felt bad about retreating.

“It is very wonderful to see you, Penelope.” I lightly patted her on the arm. 

Hotch and Rossi walked into the room. 

“It is very good to have you back, YLN,” Hotch shook my hand and Rossi kissed both my cheeks, making me smile. 

The day passed slowly, catching up on paperwork. I felt Spencer keep glancing at me, and I finally couldn’t take it anymore. 

“Spencer if you keep looking at me like I’m going to fall apart, I will slap your pretty face so hard.” 

He flushed. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay. I’m just telling you that you don’t need to do that. I’m fine.” I could feel the lie in my mouth, and I knew Spencer could see it on my face. 

I am not fine. Not even close. Every time I look in a mirror I see the scars riddled across my body. Whenever I sleep I hear my captor’s voice whispering in my ear. The memories seemed to laugh at me. You may have escaped Barry, but you can’t escape us. 

As five o’clock neared, I was counting the minutes until I could drop the act of the strong survivor. 

My heart sunk as I watched Garcia walk across the hall. “Ladies and gentlemen, we have a case!”

Disappointment must’ve been clear as day on my face because Spencer and Morgan pulled me aside before we went into the BAU room. 

“Hey, YLN, I’m sure Hotch would let you sit this one out if you asked.” Morgan looked at me with his concerned dark eyes, and a knot of anger rolled in my stomach. 

“Why do you guys keep acting like I’m some delicate little thing?” I hissed at them. “I’m sick of it!”

“Because you’ve been through more than almost any of us on this team and we all care about you.” Spencer crossed his arms defiantly. “It’s totally acceptable for you to not be completely okay.” 

I rolled my eyes and pushed past them into the BAU room. “I’m fine.”

“No you’re not,” I heard Spencer whisper. 

Garcia pointed to the TV after we all had gotten seated. “You are headed to Nashville, Tennessee, where three women, all unidentified, have been found murdered in different motels. All of the bodies were discovered on a Saturday morning.”

The crime scene photos made me want to vomit. The women were found in the motel room bathtubs, severely tortured and beaten, cause of death being a strong slash across the neck. The bile rose up in my throat, and I swallowed it bitterly. 

“Um, the killer likely met them on Friday night, maybe at a bar or club. That means he’s a charmer, he could get these women into a motel room with him.” I took a deep breath, trying to convince myself that I was okay. At least I added something, so the team won’t catch on to the intense churning in my stomach. 

“Something triggered him to start killing, and now that he’s started he can’t stop. Wheels up in 30, and YLN, come see me for a minute.” 

Shit. That can’t be good.

I stepped into Hotch’s office a few minutes later. “You wanted to see me?”

Hotch looked into my eyes, and I was thankful he was the only one not looking at me like I was going to shatter at any given time. “I’m not sure I want you in the field, YLN.” 

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. “Excuse me? I passed all my psych evaluations, and I’ve been cleared from two doctors to come back to work.”

“I know.”

“So what’s the problem?”

Hotch huffed a heavy breath. “I’m worried about you being in the field and painful memories coming back. I know from personal experience that can lead to recklessness and impulsive decisions.” 

I raised my eyebrows and laughed bitterly. “You think I won’t keep my cool.” 

“That’s my fear, yes.” 

While turning to walk out of the office, I turned to Hotch. “Painful memories don’t have to come back, Hotch. They’re always there. Surely you can understand that?”

Hotch grabbed his go bag and followed me out. “All too well.”

__

I ended up with Prentiss and Morgan at the Nashville FBI Field Office. After hours of speculation over motive and victimology, we headed to the hotel around 1 AM. 

Dark images filled my head more than usual as I sat in the backseat of the SUV. Morgan and Prentiss didn’t speak as we pulled up to the hotel, the rest of the team had already settled in. 

I pounded on Spencer’s door. I felt bad that it was 3 AM, but I needed to see him, to know he was alive. 

It had been a month since my kidnapping and torture, and I hadn’t slept since. 

He cracked the door open to see me, in my pajamas and messy bed head, standing outside his apartment. Spencer swung the door open wide, letting me in. “What's wrong?”

We sat on his couch, and I cried for the first time in a month. He didn’t say anything, he just held me as I broke down. “Spencer… when he tried to… hurt me, I thought of you.”

“What do you mean?”

“I thought about all the little things and all the big things that we’ve gone through… I cherished them in that moment because… I really thought I was going to die. And I wanted to be thinking of you when… I finally did die.” 

Spencer just shook his head. “But you didn’t die, YFN. You have to remember that.” 

After five hours of sleep, the call at 6 AM alerted us that they had another body. The team met in the lobby, everyone’s faces looking grim. 

“He’s sped up his time table majorly. Normally he’s only killed on Friday nights. It’s Tuesday.” JJ said in a low voice. 

Hotch huffed a tired breath. “Alright, Reid, YLN, go to the new crime scene. Go and change then head over there as soon as you can. Check to see if anything is new or frantic. We’ll be at the station.”

“Got it.” As I went to go change, a ball formed in the pit of my stomach. How was I supposed to look at the mangled bodies of women when I could’ve just as easily been one of them?

__

When we pulled up to the motel the sun was rising over the horizon. I tried not to get distracted by Spencer’s cute messy bed head and the way he seemed to glow in the sun rise.

We walked into the room, and the scent of blood hit me like a truck. Spencer noticed my hesitation, but didn’t say anything.

The bathtub was nearly full of this woman’s blood, and her black and blue skin stood out against her pale complexion. “Major escalation,” I murmured. As I got a closer look, the more I wanted to run out. “He violated her with the knife this time.”

I turned back to face Spencer and I saw his furrowed eyebrows. He stepped forward to look at the victim’s face. “Up until now he’s chosen seemingly low risk victims, but this woman looks to be a prostitute.”

I sighed, closing my eyes. “He’s getting antsy. He can’t wait for crowded Friday nights anymore, he needed an accessible victim pool that would get in a car with him.”

I couldn’t take the metallic smell of blood in that motel room any longer. After pushing past officers and CSI, I took a deep breath of fresh cold air outside. 

“What do you think this new victimology means for future victims?” Spencer said from behind me. 

“I think… he’s hunting again tonight. And we need to be ready.”

__

The warmth of the coffee cup in my hand soothed me as I staked out in front of Lana’s Motel. It was my idea to stake out all the motels in the geographic profile, and the numbers were so high that we were all on our own in our SUVs. 

About three hours had gone by when I saw a small dark green car pull into the motel extremely quickly. I watched as a man got out and went into the main lobby to get a room. The man came back out and pulled his car into an isolated spot in the parking lot. He grabbed someone from the passenger’s seat and seemed to throw her into one of the motel rooms. 

I listened at the door for some kind of noise, and I dialed Hotch’s number as soon as I heard cries for help. “Hotch, I got him. He’s in Room 14A at Lana’s Motel.”

“Listen to me, do not engage. He is extremely unstable and paranoid. Do not enter the room.” Hotch was almost pleading with me. “Tell me you won’t go in until backup arrives.”

A terrified scream was muffled through the door, and I couldn’t help but think of my own screams echoing in that dark basement. “Hotch, she’s screaming for help. I can’t just leave her.”

“YLN-” Hotch started, and I hung up the phone and kicked the motel door in with my gun drawn. 

A young woman was on her knees, a larger figure holding a knife to her throat behind her. “Please help,” she whispered to me.

“You don’t wanna do this.” I kept my voice even and calm. “I know that you’ve been rejected your entire life, and you're angry about that. I understand. But why throw away your life for…” I jutted my chin out to the terrified woman. “Her?”

He huffed a laugh and he unknowingly slightly lowered the knife. 

I continued with my even voice. “Look at her. Do you really want me to shoot you over some blubbering mess?” The words hurt to say, especially now that I know what it’s like to be her. To be a victim. 

Police lights illuminated the dirty motel room, and he finally made a decision. 

The rest of my team burst in the room as I was cuffing the disgusting killer that I outsmarted. 

__

Hotch was pissed.

“What were you thinking? The risks that you took? This is exactly what I was worried about!” 

I leaned against my SUV, the lecture starting to get tiring after 15 minutes. Hotch was pacing frantically and Spencer was leaning against the car next to me. I’ve never seen either of them this mad before.

“Look Hotch, you can’t look me in the eye and tell me that you wouldn’t have done the exact same thing. The woman was screaming for God’s sake, what was I supposed to do?” 

He didn’t have an answer for me. “Take a walk, YLN.”

I huffed a breath and pushed past Hotch and Spencer to stand by the motel pool, away from everything. 

After a few minutes I felt Spencer stand next to me.

“That was a big risk, YFN.” 

I rolled my eyes.  “Everything we do is a risk. I couldn’t just stand by listening to her scream for help when…” my voice hitched.

Spencer looked me in the eyes. “When what?”

“When I know how it feels.” A rebellious tear rolled down my cheek, and I tried to keep my chin from quivering. 

Spencer lowered his voice to almost a whisper. “When you were taken, I was completely panicking. I just kept thinking about how fast it happened and how I feel like it was my fault. There was a moment when we found you, bleeding in that basement, where I really thought that I would lose you… and it was the worst feeling I’ve ever had. I’m not mad that you ignored Hotch, I’m mad that you don’t even think about risks anymore. You’re not okay, no matter how many times you deny it.” 

“Don’t you think I know that?!” I almost yelled at him. “I know that I’m not okay better than anyone. There’s scars to prove it, so you don’t have to keep reminding me.” Hot angry tears streamed down my cheeks, and Spencer enveloped me in a hug.

“You can’t be alone right now.”

__

Spencer and I both have a taste for the simpler ways of life. As I was sitting in his library of an apartment, he played soft tunes on his keyboard, and we didn’t speak. We sat like that for hours, him playing the piano and me just sitting on his sofa in silence. 

“Spencer, dance with me.” I tugged on Spencer’s arm, trying to get him away from the book he was pouring over. 

“Why?” He closed the book and looked up at me. “We’re in the middle of the MIT library and there’s no music.”

“Because I’m your girlfriend, and we’ve never danced before.” 

Spencer rolled his eyes with a smile. He stood up and wrapped an arm around my waist, and I rested my head on his shoulder, swaying gently. We danced like that until the librarian yelled at us to leave, and she chased us out as we laughed, giddy with love. 

I wrapped my arms around his shoulders from behind. “Dance with me.”

Spencer chuckled as he placed one hand on my arm, the other hand still expertly playing. “Like in college?” 

“Yes.”

He turned around as he stood up, smoothly placing his arm around my waist, holding me like I was the most precious piece of treasure in the world. Scars and all. 

He held our hands out and pressed his nose to mine. We swayed as gently as that night in the MIT library when we were 19. His breath smelled like the strawberry ice cream we had eaten earlier tonight, and I found it simply intoxicating.

There were no words as he pressed his lips to mine. We didn’t need them. 

We had each other memorized. 

@itsarayofsunshine @thesailbells  @squirrellover1967  @softpeteparker @parkeroffline

[viciousgracearc]

LYANNA STARK AS THE KNIGHT OF THE LAUGHING TREE + RHAEGAR & THE PROPHECY

REPOST FROM HERE. I tend to deviate from the popular fan theory and show “plot-twist” that Rhaegar and Lyanna were in love and that she eloped with him, thus igniting Robert's Rebellion. I also do not subscribe to the show’s BS saying Robert’s Rebellion was founded on a “lie” because Robert's Rebellion was founded on many things, not just Lyanna’s disappearance, but also the murder of Rickard and Brandon Stark (and company) and the call of Aerys for Jon Arryn to break guest right traditions and bring him Robert and Eddard's heads. These things are not lies and played fundamental roles in fueling the rebellion, which was initially started by Jon Arryn rousing The Vale into revolt (it was only ever called Robert’s Rebellion once the rebellion itself was already in full-swing or nearing its conclusion).

Anyway, this headcanon is essentially riding the back of the theory that Lyanna Stark was the Knight of the Laughing Tree. Not only did her initial defense of Howland Reed foreshadow this theory, but it also made the most sense based on what we know of the knight themself.  Brandon was too muscular to be the knight, Eddard could not possibly be the knight for the same reason,  and Benjen was too young. The knight could only be a Stark, and therefore could only be Lyanna. There are a lot of other reasons why this headcanon makes the most sense  (i.e. it thematically makes for a stronger story) but that’s a discussion for another time.

Piggybacking off of this, we also know that The World of Ice and Fire went more in-depth with the events at Harrenhal than the five main books of the series. In TWOIAF we found out that the knight was hunted down after he disappeared, and it was Rhaegar Targaryen who found the knight’s infamous shield and armor hanging from a tree.  We also found out that the mad king took the appearance of the knight as a slight to his rule, and he was very paranoid and angry, or as the kids would say these days… triggered:

King Aerys II was not a man to take any joy in mysteries, however. His Grace became convinced that the tree on the mystery knight’s shield was laughing at him […] he commanded his own knights to defeat the Knight of the Laughing Tree when the jousts resumed the next morning, so that he might be unmasked and his perfidy exposed for all to see. But the mystery knight vanished during the night, never to be seen again. This too the king took ill, certain that someone close to him had given warning to “this traitor who will not show his face.” ( Source: The World of Ice and Fire )

So how does all of this fit into this theory? For years, people have been speculating Lyanna eloped with a married man, that she was not kidnapped and she went willingly 1.) because she was in love with Rhaegar (please stop) and/or 2.) because she wanted to escape her betrothal to Robert Baratheon. And sure, we can say that she was not kidnapped. I, for one, believe that she went willingly but not for the reasons people think. The question really is: what if she did not elope with anybody? WHAT IF IT WAS A RESCUE?

Please note that this headcanon is heavily inspired by this WordPress post by ladygwynhyfvar + some additions and speculations from myself and other sources (asoiafuniversity, various forums and subreddits).

At the time of the tourney at Harrenal (281 AC), King Aerys II Targaryen was already displaying alarming signs of mental instability, so much so that his son staged the very same tourney to gather all the respectable lords from the great houses to convene and talk about a possible coup d’etat. This didn’t work due to the King’s paranoia, which only went to prove how dangerously close to falling off the deep-end he was. And going by his reaction about the KOTLT, it’s not far-fetched to assume that he hyper-fixated on the knight even after the tourney was over and considered them a threat to his reign or an agent of an enemy used to mock his rule. Aerys II could have used all his available resources to figure out who the knight was, including Varys’ spies, though I think what eventually gave it away in the end were the actions of Rhaegar himself (upon inspection of the events at Harrenhal ex-post facto).

For reasons unknown at the time, Rhaegar crowned Lyanna his Queen of Love and Beauty by the tourney’s end, offending many great lords and ladies in the process (a dumb political move, considering these were the same lords and ladies he’s persuading to support him overthrow his father). What could be the reason behind this? There are a lot of theories, including Rhaegar professing romantic interest towards Lyanna at the cost of Elia Martell’s honor, but the only logical explanation would be that Rhaegar knew Lyanna masqueraded as the Knight of the Laughing Tree. The blue flowers he laid on her lap were not signs of attraction but perhaps admiration, and an acknowledgment of some sort, because her undefeated streak on the joust went unacknowledged by virtue of her disguise. He could essentially be telling Lyanna: Here, you deserve this victory, too. And fair enough, she did. However, this very same action, though noble in its intention, caused quite a scandal. It could have very well lead to Aerys II figuring out that it was Lyanna who donned on the shield of the laughing Weirwood tree and the mismatched armor (courtesy of Benjen’s scrounging). It’s very much possible that Aerys II was unwilling to let this imagined slight go unpunished, and that he could have ordered Lyanna Stark’s arrest while she was on her way to Riverrun to attend Cat and Brandon’s wedding. Coincidentally, this would put her in Rhaegar’s path, as we learned from TWOIAF:

With the coming of the new year, the crown prince had taken to the road with half a dozen of his closest friends and confidants, on a journey that would ultimately lead him back to the riverlands, not ten leagues from Harrenhal… where Rhaegar would once again come face-to-face with Lyanna Stark of Winterfell, and with her light a fire that would consume his house and kin and all those he loved—and half the realm besides.

Any gold cloaks who could have been scouring the Riverlands looking for Lyanna Stark could have run in on the same group, and once Rhaegar had heard about Lyanna’s pending arrest  (no doubt to face the  “king’s justice”  which to Aerys II was literally synonymous to being burned alive), he could have taken the initiative of spiriting Lyanna away from harm and into the relative safety of the Red Mountains of Dorne. But wait, you may wonder: What does Rhaegar get from all of this? Why would he rescue Lyanna Stark if they weren’t “in love” as the people say? It’s pretty simple. He gets the third head of his dragon, considering that months prior, his wife almost died birthing his second child and was possibly too physically spent for a third.  

Remember that Rhaegar was obsessed with The Song of Ice and Fire, and the appeal of Lyanna Stark, who could essentially be ice embodied, might have been too great a temptation for the prophecy-consumed prince to resist. There’s also the possibility that Lyanna was a greenseer which I wrote about here, meaning that she was also aware of the prophecy and went with Rhaegar to help him fulfill it. (A lot of factors are at play here, not just Lyanna’s ability to have green dreams but her run in with the greenseer wildling and the words of the Ghost of High Heart, who she and Rhaegar met with after he’d rescued her, based on my headcanon.)

In any case, Lyanna did not go with Rhaegar because she was “in love” with him. Remember that Lyanna Stark was the same girl who said “Love is sweet,  dearest Ned. But it cannot change a man’s nature.” She disliked the prospect of infidelity and thus would never encourage, tolerate, or participate in such an act at the expense of another woman. Additionally, Lyanna cared enough about the Stark name to defend a Stark bannerman. Not a direct family member, just a bannerman, and she was willing to throw down for him. What makes anyone think she will risk her entire family to run away with a man? Even if he was Targaryen or a prince? What makes anyone think she would do anything to endanger or dishonor her family in that way?  

Severing the engagement with Robert would be something that she would want, there is no denying that (not just because she disliked being betrothed to him, but because she disliked being betrothed at all). She could have wanted to run away on her own, but to run away with a married prince? I don’t think so. The main rationale people use to prop up this theory was to paint Lyanna as a selfish character. But there was never any indication that Lyanna Stark was the selfish type, that she would risk her family’s honor life to get her way, or that she would do something so blatantly stupid (under no disguise) and would not be able to foresee the possible ramifications of her actions. Lyanna is reckless, yes, but she’s not dumb. She’s romantic and idealistic, but she’s also painted to have a strong moral and compass to possess some forethought, things people often overlook or deliberately forget so they could either shit on her character or sail their ships.

Following the greenseer theory, it’s also entirely possible that Lyanna had no knowledge of Rickard and Brandon's fates until Gerold Hightower delivered the news when he asked Rhaegar to go back to King’s Landing (an order that came from his father), right after the Battle of the Bells. Around that time, Lyanna was already pregnant. She would have wanted to go home after finding out, but she would have been forbidden to leave. This was the only time she was openly hostile towards Rhaegar, and he parted with her while she had bitter thoughts of him.

All things considered, I would like to reiterate that Rhaegar and Lyanna were not  “in love”. They were not secret lovers who annulled a legitimate marriage to get their way, the rest of the realm be damned. Lyanna felt extremely guilty that the prophecy required physical infidelity on the part of Rhaegar, but whatever “intimacy” they shared,  they did so out of a sense of duty, not lust or love. Rhaegar remained very much in love with Elia Martell until he left for King’s Landing, never to return to the Tower of Joy again. And Lyanna remained dedicated to seeing through her part in the prophecy, which she believed would ultimately result in her own death.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 242: SANTA IS REAL

Previously on BnHA: We said farewell to the League of Pliff and were finally reunited with the kids of U.A., an institution which I would just like to point out is so diametrical to the League that they literally took the polar opposite route when choosing their name, and focused only on the acronym. I’m 100% sure U.A. doesn’t even stand for anything. Anyway, so Bakugou and Todoroki went on whirlwind press tour following their ch 219 antics, and the resulting interviews were so disastrous that Aizawa decided to bring in Mt. Lady to give the whole class a crash course in PR 101. Meanwhile All Might scoured Ancestry.com for info on the past users of OFA, and Rat Principal announced that U.A. was going to resume its internship program. This is great news for Deku, who’s been taking his sweet time mastering Blackwhip. Like, we’re not even talking baby steps here so much as little tiny flea steps. Kid’s going to need all the help he can get.

Today on BnHA: Horikoshi targets all of my weak points at once. The My OT3 Academia arc gets off to an incredible, award-winning start with a Christmas party and the announcement of Internships 2: This Time, it’s Compulsory. Highlights include: (1) Kaminari and Mina forcing Bakugou to accept the spirit of Christmas into his heart and soul, (2) Iida rocking a Santa beard, (3) Eri holding a giant sword, (4) Bakugou reminiscing about his internship with Best MIA Jeanist, specifically the part where Jeanist was all “A HERO’S NAME IS REALLY IMPORTANT AND SYMBOLIC AND MEANINGFUL, SO YOU NEED TO THINK VERY CAREFULLY ABOUT IT” and oh my fucking god, and lastly (5) Todoroki inviting Bakugou and Deku to come intern with him at the Endeavor Hero Agency (known for its famous business slogan: “Got Plot?”). It’s like I wished on seventeen different falling stars and they all came true at once. I still can’t even fucking process this. kfkdslgk.

(All comments are my unspoiled reactions from my initial readthrough of the chapter. I did a quick edit for grammar and clarity immediately afterward, and added a few ETAs in the process, but aside from that there are no changes.)

I just got like three excited-seeming asks (I haven’t actually read them yet) in rapidfire succession less than an hour ago, and my dashboard is now filling up with filtered “bnha spoilers” posts, so I took this as a sign that I should read the new chapter ASAP. oh gosh

(ETA:

(1) SAMEEEEEE, and (2) YEEEEEEEEP. listen I’m not religious you guys, but I said “oh my god” so much while reading this chapter that I wouldn’t be surprised if he or she finally answers and is like, “YES!? WHAT IS IT???”)

what new state-of-the-art tomfoolery will our intrepid heroes engage in this week. what novel hijinks will they commence. what frivolous escapades will they embark on this lovely Friday morn?

HOMGAAAHHHHHH

THE TITLE IS LITERALLY MY FEELINGS RN. MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS TO ME. YES GOD I LOVE IT. I’LL TAKE A DOZEN

okay. so today, September 6th, is officially Christmas. you heard the man and who am I to argue

so we’re opening with a teacher’s meeting! probably about the internships. or the fact that they’re all screwed. I don’t really know what their priorities are nowadays

okay yeah it’s about the internships. also Rat Principal is nested in Aizawa’s scarf for absolutely no reason, and Aizawa is disgruntled about it. heh. tomfoolery already and it’s only the first panel

oh shit, Nezu’s saying it’s now a government requirement. I got so surprised I actually forgot to call him RP

because ain’t nothing safer than hero internships. if the Basement arc taught us nothing else. it’s that

that was sarcasm in case that’s not coming across. this is clearly a baffling decision. but what are government committees for if not for making baffling decisions I guess

and now Midnight is coming to the same conclusion I was starting to wonder at

can someone please tell me what the PSC’s goals actually are, then? is this not the same group that recently changed the rules of the provisional license exam so that an even smaller percentage of people would pass? so do you want more heroes or fewer? which is it?

how do they cope with it? does anyone even have any idea?? it seems to me like they’re just throwing them to the wolves. we have this problem that we have absolutely no idea what to do about, oh I know, let’s toss a bunch of inexperienced kids at it. and hope that none of them gets murdered I guess

anyway so The Sheriff is speculating that the League must have been involved in the Deika situation, and he’s wondering why the PSC is trying so hard to keep it on the dl

oh yeah. friendly reminder that the PSC, thanks to Hawks, probably knows exactly how powerful Tomura and the League have recently become. so they know full well how shark-infested the waters are, and they’re making it mandatory for the kids to all take swimming lessons. nice

lol back when I was brainstorming ideas for future arcs, I seriously thought Horikoshi would have to go out of his way to come up with excuses for the kids to have future encounters with the League, because the school was so concerned with their safety that they wouldn’t allow them to leave the grounds except on rare occasions. well I sure got that one wrong. though to be fair, for once it isn’t U.A. that’s doing the child endangering here

(ETA: and actually, regardless of how insane it is, I do appreciate that when shit inevitably hits the fan again, at least it won’t be U.A.’s fault this time. I’d like to be able to continue rooting for them, and that can be difficult when they keep doing reckless things that needlessly put children in danger. at least this time they’re not the ones driving the Stupid Bus to Bad Decision School.)

a message to who? the League?? “we’re not scared of you”?? did they seriously not think of all the numerous ways this could backfire?

oh shit Aizawa even went and said the d-word

well there you have it. the government is drafting teenagers to risk their lives dealing with a crisis they won’t out-and-out admit they’re actually having. on today’s episode of “Oh Hero Society, You’ve Got Problems”

anyway so RP is making the admittedly good point that “we’re fucked and everyone is in terrible danger” is hardly a new state of affairs for them these days, and so they’re all moving on. okay then. good talk. lol. gonna need my damn Christmas fluff after all of that

and also RP is mentioning some other mysterious new program to Aizawa too. I wonder what that could be

(ETA: oh yeah I almost forgot about this. thoughts??)

and now we’re cutting to “several days later” oh my god. it’s really happening. I need a moment here, I’m not even ready. gotta get all my Christmas headcanons lined up here. Satou baking cookies. Kaminari and Sero running around arm in arm singing “JINGLE BELLS, ALL MIGHT SMELLS” over and over at the top of their lungs until Bakugou screams at them to shut up. Mineta debating anyone who will listen over the merits of the song Baby It’s Cold Outside. the naturally Christmas-themed Todoroki savoring this, his time to shine

oh shit, we’re still with the fucking Rat Principal. for fuck’s sake

-- ooh but are they talking about the traitor??

will this put an end to the “Horikoshi forgot about it” rumors? several people have mentioned this to me here and there (sorry to everyone whose asks I still haven’t answered), but as far as I know, this was part of a fake interview with Horikoshi that was unfortunately circulated around as though it was the real deal. sometimes people are not cool and think it’s fun to take advantage of communities that are enthusiastic and trusting! always fact-check what you read on the internet just to be safe guys

anyway

so there definitely is one, then. got it

so the traitor is definitely a student in the hero class, then. got it

sob. I got an ask about the whole Kaminari traitor theory earlier this week, so I’m in the process of doing up a whole long post about that. but the cliff’s notes version is, it’s not him. it’s Hagakure. but I will actually go into detail in the post. it’s been a while since I’ve discussed the traitor thing in depth anyway

so RP is asking All Might if he’s coming back today, and All Might is immediately all “WHY, DID SOMETHING HAPPEN TO MY CHILD, OH GOD IS HE OKAY” which, omg. so much love for this man

and RP is like “geez relax” and OH MY GOD

[slaps on a paperboy cap and screeches at All Might in a bad cockney accent] TODAY, SIR?? WHY, IT’S CHRISTMAS DAY

OH MY GOD

I SPOT A GRINCH UP THERE AT THE TOP. SOMEONE NEEDS TO BE VISITED BY THREE GHOSTS FROM VARIOUS DIFFERENT TIME PERIODS

LITERALLY EVERY SINGLE CHILD (GREMLINS ASIDE) IS WEARING A SANTA CLAUS OUTFIT. DID U.A. JUST GIVE THESE OUT FOR FREE

AND IN THE TOP RIGHT NEXT TO SHOUJI, SATOU’S COOKIES! JUST AS THE PROPHECY FORETOLD

I SEE THEY HAVE THE REQUISITE KFC PLATTERS LIKE GOOD JAPANESE CITIZENS. WE SHOULD ADOPT THIS TRADITION HERE IN THE WEST TOO TBH

and last but not least, there are only nineteen children in this panel. it took me forever to figure out who was missing, but pretty sure it’s Iida. Iida where are you. clearly the traitor. certainly not off visiting his brother and the rest of his family, what kind of gullible fool do you take me for

looool

I love when the characters start to become self-aware that they’re the main characters in a story and that plot things keep happening to them at an unreasonable rate

oh my god they really are wearing the suits. it wasn’t just a title page gimmick like I half-wondered

ANSWER THE QUESTION, JIROU. INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW. do we even know where she did her first internship?? I suddenly desperately want to learn more about this

(ETA: she interned with Death Arms, the traffic cone-looking guy who notably chewed Deku out for trying to save Kacchan’s life in chapter one. Jirou my hope for you is that you find someone better this time around!)

also Tsuyu is observing that Momo doesn’t have a chair, and I honest-to-god was trying to count how much seating there was in the previous page. it seems to me like the common room got a lot bigger. it keeps adjusting to their needs like the room of requirement in Harry Potter

also does anyone else wish that Jirou would move her cup off of the armrest. IT’S GOING TO SPILL ffff :/ this is who I am at parties

oh shit wait, that was Iida with the beard?? I honestly thought that was Satou. well then Satou is the traitor. -- NOBODY TOUCH THOSE COOKIES!!

anyway so he’s all “well Deku not to bring up the elephant in the room but YOUR PREVIOUS MENTOR DIED A HORRIBLE DEATH so what’s your plan huh”

oh sweet god

listen, no offense to Centipeder, he seems like a really nice guy, but if I never see his repulsive face again I will count myself lucky

OH FOR FUCK’S

PLEASE GET RID OF IT IT IS CHRISTMAS!!! here I am trying to have a nice time and!!

god. and like, I feel bad, it’s not his fault he is A GIANT BUG and he has like, fucking mandibles and shit! but I can’t help the fact that my skin is trying to crawl off my body right now, and god but I can barely look at this panel long enough to read the dialogue sob why

(ETA: and now that I’ve forced myself to read it again, this doesn’t even make any sense lol. “we have too much work and not enough help, so we have to pass on you coming back to help us out. ...wait.”)

I want Iida to like. pat his lap and tell Deku in a big booming voice to cheer up and come sit and tell him what he wants for Christmas. not in a weird way you guys, come on. but just, he looks so forlorn. do you want Santa to bring you some cozy All Might socks

or wait, didn’t he want a PS Vita according to that one omake thing. what the fuck Deku. someone get this kid a Switch

anyway so Deku says that participation is mandatory this time, so the school will handle assignments if the kids aren’t able to find someone

meanwhile Kacchan is in the background accusing Mina of stalking him. I think she is trying to get him to wear his Santa outfit. doin’ god’s work

OH SHIT YOU GUYS I CLICKED TO THE NEXT PAGE, AND THIS. THIS IS MY CHRISTMAS OMFG

HORIKOSHI YOU DID GET MY LIST! BAKUGOU BEING TROLLED BY HIS SNEAKY DETERMINED FRIENDS AND MANHANDLED INTO A RIDICULOUS GETUP WHILST ANGSTING ABOUT BEST JEANIST BEING MISSING, YESSSSSS. IT’S SO SPECIFIC, I THOUGHT, “SURELY HE WON’T ACTUALLY DO IT,” BUT SANTA IS REAL, EVERYONE

HFMLSDKMGLKLKL!!!!!LKL:DSF

RED ALERT RED FUCKING ALERT PEOPLE!!! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!! GET OUT OF THE WAY!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHH HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS

“MERRY CHRISTMAS MAKESTE HERE’S A WHOLE FUCKING CHAPTER ABOUT KACCHAN’S FUCKING HERO NAME COMPLETE WITH A BEST JEANIST META ON THE TOPIC” mother fucker I need to start reading these chapters with a goddamn life alert and a defibrillator on standby

“your name represents your wish.” ladies and gentlemen, introducing the new number one hero... Number One Hero!

heh. just kidding. “what do you want to become?” this, though. this right fucking here is why I’ve been dying to know what name he’ll actually choose. because it does reflect exactly what Jeanist is saying. whichever name he chooses will be an insight into who he is, and who he is trying to be

and this meta is making me rethink all my chapter 223 feels, and tbh now I’m back to thinking that it’s not going to be Ground Zero, unless he comes up with a cool reason for why that name ties in to the image of the person he wants to be (because right now, that particular name is tied more to the past than to the future). but oh my god, if he does choose the name Kacchan I am going to spontaneously combust. I will fucking do it. I will fucking die from being a dramatic excited bitch

(ETA: because. listen. there is one person who has always looked up to him in spite of everything and has always seen his potential. “in the end, in my mind, you’re the image of victory.” this, to me, is the meaning that the name “Kacchan” would have if he did choose it. it would symbolize him choosing to be his best self.)

don’t mind me I’m just stanning this child so fucking hard it hurts

(ETA: oh hey, and more feels on the reread because it looks like the reason he’s having this flashback is because he was planning to go back to Jeanist’s agency to do his real internship, and to show him how much he’s grown. but then The Thing happened. Hawks I just want to talk why won’t you answer my calls.)

Mina and Kaminari are the MVPs of this fucking chapter and I owe them my life omggggg. THEY’RE HERE TO SAVE CHRISTMAS

what are you thinking about there, Best Friend?

are you thinking about your daddy angst. penny for your thoughts

(ETA: “how can I cheer up my new best friend? I know, I’ll make him a lucrative job offer.” actually that’s a good way to cheer up just about anyone in this day and age, Shouto.)

okay, is there some sort of perverted context to Christmas that I’m totally missing here?? or is Mineta just really into the holiday spirit?

I feel like I missed something. eh

anyway Mr. Traitor himself is walking out now and HE’S BROUGHT THE CHRISTMAS GOOSE! or turkey! but goose sounded funnier

of all the things to be shocked about?? “SATOU CAN COOK!?!” like um yes hello you’ve been living with this guy for four months already? like the only thing more ridiculous than this would be, “TOKOYAMI IS A BIRD!?!”

(ETA: like I know baking and cooking are two different things, but in a manga they’re the same thing. fact.)

now someone is making a dramatic entrance! IS IT ERI I WILL DIE!!!! BRING IT

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

I HEREBY SWEAR FEALTY TO THIS PANEL OF AN ADORABLY AND FESTIVELY DRESSED ERI MIXING UP HOLIDAYS WHILE DADZAWA PATIENTLY CORRECTS HER. I WILL PROTECT IT WITH MY LIFE. SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS CHAPTER SO THAT I CAN GO DO IT SOME MORE AGAIN, OVER AND OVER AND OVER

Ochako is me

(ETA: DEMONS OUT! DEMONS IN!! THAT’S WHAT IT’S ALL ABOUT!! YOU DO THE HOOOOOOOOKEY POKEY.)

and Kiri is out here asking the real questions, but sadly Aizawa says Mirio is spending Christmas with his own class. WELL FINE. I HOPE HE’S EXPERIENCING THE FOMO OF A LIFETIME. HOW DARE HE HAVE OTHER FRIENDS whatever I’m over it

sobbbbb

WELL HOW MANY FUCKING HOLIDAYS ARE THERE!? CAN SOMEONE HELP A GIRL OUT OR WHAT

oh my god I’m just going to reblog every single Dadzawa panel and none of you can stop me go on and try!!

impatiently waiting for fanart of Aizawa tucking Eri in and reading her A Visit from St. Nicholas. get on it, fandom

ohhhhhhhhh my goddddddd

I know it’s not a Christmas song, but I am this close to cranking up “I Gotta Feeling” by the fucking Black Eyed Peas. ya feel

do you guys see him sitting there next to Dadzawa. he finally gave in. Satou is feeding him chicken. his friends will not abandon him to be on the naughty list. motherfucker that’s it. I’m fucking doing it. fill up my cup. mazel tov

lol I don’t even want to click to any more pages because they’re all so happy and it won’t fucking last. :( noooo

good little boys and girls. noshing on that chicken. Kacchan continuing to be stalked by the Ghost of Christmas Friendship. Tokoyami what even is that. lol and is this their weird way of distributing random gifts. did Sero buy Jirou a scarf. did Deku buy Ochako a freaking All Might plush keychain!? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WHAT IS THAT THING AND WHY DOES ERI HAVE IT NOW AND WHY IS SHE MAKING THIS FACE

-- holy fuck, IT’S A SWORD. oh my god. THEY GAVE THE SEVEN YEAR OLD A FREAKING BUSTER SWORD AND SHE IS FEELING IT YESSSS THIS CHAPTER TRULY IS ALL MY DREAMS COME TRUE

“dad can I keep it.” Aizawa: [not even opening his eyes, all bundled up in his oogie boogie suit] “sure”

so now we’re cutting to afterwards and everyone’s cleaning up and Deku’s using his freakish super strength to lift heavy things impressively while Bakugou continues to stomp around with his hands shoved into his pockets waiting for someone to finally tell him he can go back upstairs

OH???

motherfucker. are you going to invite them to come intern with you and your dad!!?!?? I know I was all set on Bakugou interning with Miruko just last week, but I TELL YOU WHAT BITCHES, I’M FUCKING FLEXIBLE LIKE THAT

OH SHIT YOU GUYS!!!!

TODOROKI ARE YOU PLAYING THE OT3 SONG BECAUSE HONEY YOU KNOW THAT’S MY JAM, BRO

OH FUCKING SHIT YESSSSS

BAKUGOU DO YOU WANT TO INTERN WITH YOUR TWO BEST FRIENDS, EXCUSE ME, HATED ENEMIES. DEKU DO YOU WANT TO INTERN WITH YOUR TWO BEST FRIENDS. AND THE NUMBER ONE. WHO JUST SO HAPPENS TO BE BEST FRIENDS WITH THE NUMBER TWO. WHO JUST SO HAPPENS TO BE BEST FRIENDS WITH TODOROKI “I DIDN’T HAVE A FLASHBACK IN THE LAST ARC BECAUSE WE WERE SAVING IT FOR THIS ONE!” TOUYA? THAT’S RIGHT, IT’S BEST FRIENDS ALL THE WAY DOWN. OH MY GOD

it’s like Horikoshi made a long and detailed list of all of his regrets about the previous internship arc, and then said, “fuck it. do-over”

you guys. I’m all out of cans. we only have can’ts and cannots. I cannot

Christmas fluff. Dadzawa. Bakugou hero name meta. hints that the traitor plot will soon be relevant again. and the motherfucking OT3 of OT3s, MY SONS, MY THREE RESPLENDENT OFFSPRINGS, interning together at the motherfucking Endeavor Hero Agency because Todoroki is the sweetest most considerate angel, and because KNOCK KNOCK, IT’S ME THE PLOT, I’VE COME FOR YOU AGAIN AT LONG LAST AND I VOW TO NEVER LEAVE YOU ALONE AGAIN FROM THIS MOMENT ON

shit, y’all. I don’t know if it’s possible for an arc to become my favorite motherfucking arc only two chapters in, but damned if this sunnuvabitch ain’t trying

[ertrunkenerwassergeist]

Heart of Thunder - Chapter 07

This chapter is a bit shorter than I wanted it to be, but oh well...

Link to AO3

The door fell shut with a quiet click and for a second longer Cor refused to look around to his two best friends – his family, as Nyx had called them. He knew what he would see when he turned around.

“Cor,” said Regis, voice pleading.

“No,” Cor returned, more out of an old reflex than anything else.

He turned away from the door and came face to face with the saddest green eyes he had ever seen. Clarus just stood next to their King, arms behind his back and an eyebrow raised in expectation. A loud sigh climbed up his throat and Cor did not bother to keep it in.

“Ask,” he prompted and crossed his arms.

Clarus still didn't say anything. The Shield had always been of the opinion that the silent treatment worked best, Cor knew, and more often than not it had caused another sort of trouble.

Regis on the other hand gave him a gentle smile, barely visible beneath his beard, and part satisfaction part thankfulness. The kind of smile he always wore when he was able to harmlessly mess in the private lives of his friends. None of them, neither Clarus, nor Cor, nor Cid or Weskham had ever had the heart to deny him his bit of fun. No matter how aggravating it may be at first.

“Why did you not tell us that you were seeing someone? Is it because he is male or because he is Galahdian? You must know that as long as you are happy in any relationship you enter, neither Clarus nor I will truly have anything against it,” Regis told him while Clarus nodded to signal his agreement.

“I wasn't,” Cor said in way of an explanation.

“You weren't what?” Regis prompted.

Cor suppressed a sigh. Wasn't it obvious? He would never hide a relationship he was in because the other person was also male or “below his station”. Even in his thoughts Cor could see the massive air quotes at that statement.

Most people tended to conveniently forget that Cor himself had been born outside Insomnia and had only become a citizen within its walls when he had entered King Mors' services. Before that he had been a half starved kid swinging his father's sword around.

“I wasn't in a relationship until yesterday,” Cor elaborated very matter of fact.

Regis opened his mouth and closed it again when he heard that. Clarus heaved a heavy sigh. The Shield muttered something beneath his breath that sounded suspiciously like: “I should have known”, as his gaze travelled towards the ceiling, as if to plead with the Astrals for more patience.

“Please tell us what exactly happened, Cor”, Regis requested gently with just a hint of exasperation and desperation.

Cor was impressed.

“It started on my patrol outside the city four days ago. Nothing noteworthy happened until I was on my way back and came upon a group of people in need for help. Not long after I helped them deal with the wildlife trying to kill them, it turned out they were poachers, so I killed the ones trying to attack me and arrested the rest. They are awaiting their sentence now.”

He paused for a moment, trying to decide how to continue.

“So you're the one who has some of the Lords in such a tizzy,” Clarus said, amused.

Cor smirked.

“Is this about the complaint Lord Sagitta wants to bring forth about your so called inadequate behaviour?” Regis asked only a tad resigned.

A wave of sympathy welled up within Cor as he nodded. Some of the nobles of the court could rob you of your last nerve and more of your time than they deserved. Lord Sagitta was one of those Lords.

“It must be because of the meeting I had with him and Lords Caulis and Hypocris yesterday, about the poachers I took prisoner.”

Regis hummed thoughtfully. “I can see how Lords Caulis and Hypocris might get involved in this. But Lord Sagitta? The Minister of Outside Affairs shouldn't be concerned with a group of poachers the Marshall dragged back for sentencing.”

“I think it has something to do with the coeurl pelts I found,” Cor stated dryly.

“Ah,” made Regis. “Yes, I can see that.”

“You should really look into finding a new Minister, Regis. Lord Sagitta has clearly been accepting bribes, I told you that before,” Clarus spoke up.

“I know my friend. Sadly, finding substantial evidence to this accusation has been proven to be rather unfruitful,” Regis sighed.

“I'll get Monica on it”, Cor offered.

“Yes, please do. Ms. Elshett has proven very competent in helping to deal with the last mess”, Regis decided after a few seconds of consideration.

“Now, please enlighten us: how is all of this relevant to you getting engaged?” Clarus asked.

“I claimed the coeurl pelts as my battle-spoils”, Cor started up again.

“Of course you did. No wonder Lord Hypocris was practically frothing at the mouth when I saw him in the halls yesterday. Those pelts are worth a fortune”, Clarus interrupted. “What are you planning to do with them?”

“My original intention was to gift them to the Galahdian community,” Cor explained now slightly annoyed at the interruptions. “I do not know much about their culture, but I do know that coeurls are considered sacred animals.”

Both other men blinked in surprise. Cor frowned.

“Really, Regis? I understand Clarus not knowing, but you?”

Clarus shot him his best I-don't-like-what-you're-insinuating-here look while Regis frowned.

“I think”, he spoke at last, “the Council for Cultural Understanding has been rather remiss in their work.”

Cor took a deep breath. It wasn't Regis' fault. It truly wasn't. His best friend did what he could but some things simply flew under the radar when it was up against keeping Niflheim at bay and keeping the government functional with all the schemes that had slowly been piling up over the years. A man could only do so much.

No, he did not blame Regis for this oversight. But they had been on Galahd for however short a time. They had seen their art, listened to their language, heard their music and eaten their food. The coeurl motive had been everywhere, as had what he thought to be some kind of snake, though Cor didn't know what its significance was.

Not to mention the story he had told Monica this morning.

“I can look into it”, he proposed.

“Are you sure you can manage that with everything else you have been doing?” Clarus spoke up, worried.

Cor shot him an unimpressed stare. “The only ones actively fighting are the Kingsglaive. I might have some time in which to do this.”

“Cor.” The Shield shot him a warning glare.

“I'm sorry, my friend, but you know why-”

“I know, Regis. I know”, Cor said, softer now than the harsher tones with which he had spoken before.

It truly wasn't fair to the King. The man did his best, but sometimes the best was simply not enough.

A heavy silence settled around them.

“We keep getting distracted. You wanted to give the Galahdians a gift worth a fortune. And then?” Clarus prompted.

“They call themselves Galahkari – Galahkar is the singular. I knew that all of Galahd considers coeurls sacred and when I overheard two Galahkari talk about their connection to the Ulric line, I thought it best to give them to Nyx. So I got one of the five pelts cleaned up, went to the Glaive's training grounds yesterday and gave it to him. As it turns out, gifting an Ulric a coeurl pelt is a sure-fire way to get engaged to one.”

Cor's fingers skimmed over his new necklace as he watched his two friends exchange a look. He knew that look. It was their Cor-did-something-reckless-again look.

“You could not just have cleared up this misunderstanding?” Regis asked hesitantly.

“And insult them and their culture even worse than most Insomnians already do? No”, Cor stated.

“Are you sure the two of you fit together?” Regis pressed.

The Marshal frowned. “I may not know him well, but I know Nyx Ulric doesn't do anything half-arsed. He is as committed to this as I am.”

“What Regis wants to know”, Clarus cut in, exasperated, “is if the two of you can be happy together. Arranged matches are a fight all on their own, and that battle ground is one you don't have much experience in, Cor.”

Without conscious thought his fingers picked at the black bead of the necklace and felt the detailed, if slightly uneven, engravings of the wing. Strength found in protecting something you hold dear. But also a symbol of royal protection.

Regis and Clarus followed his movement and their gazes softened, some of their worry easing. It was obvious that much thought had gone into making this necklace, and that Nyx had made it himself spoke of determination, patience and an iron will to truly make this relationship work.

“We talked about it, this relationship. Oh, don't look so surprised. I can talk things out, you know? I could have said no to the necklace, and we would have gone our separate ways. But this is a one in a lifetime opportunity and I wasn't going to waste it. Maybe now we can finally get over the divide between us, the religious differences caused. Weren't you ever curious as to why the Galahkari forsook the Astrals like they did?”

“I have always wondered”, Regis admitted after a few seconds of silence. “There are so few written accounts left from that time, it all has been more guesswork than anything else.”

Clarus nodded, thoughtful. “From the few documents my family still has, we know Gilgamesh was somehow involved with this. But how exactly I cannot say.”

Cor tilted his head, thoughtful. Now that would be an idea.

“Cor, no”, Clarus ordered, his mien stern.

The Marshal just looked at him until Clarus pinched the bridge of his nose and Regis shot him a resigned look.

“Just don't do anything too rash, please?” Regis said.

Cor nodded, already thinking about how he could convince Nyx. They could file it under a reconnaissance mission and camp outside for a week. Just them, hunting, maybe taking down some Niffs and a visit down Tealpar Crag. Satisfied with this plan, Cor nodded again.

“Have you taken Sir Ulric out for dinner yet?” Regis suddenly asked.

“No”, Cor admitted and squinted at the King in speculation.

“If you want to unofficially announce your engagement, I would recommend the Red Shroud.”

Cor had heard of the Red Shroud. Who hadn't? It was a regular place for journalists to lurk in search for the next social sensation. The high-end restaurant was near exclusively for nobility and a neutral ground for alliances through marriage to be forged.

If he were to go there with Nyx he would send a very clear message. That they were in a relationship, for one, that they were seriously considering marriage and that the whole thing was arranged.

“I don't think that's a good place for now”, Clarus came to his aid.

“Probably not”, Regis hummed, tapping his fingers against the handle of his cane. “Then you should take him to a place that serves food he likes.”

Cor nodded. That he could most certainly do. And then they could talk about his idea of a camping trip in addition to a few other things they needed to clear up.

Regis gave an amused chuckle. Clarus and Cor looked at him inquisitively.

“You know what this means?”

“No, what?” Cor asked.

The King's eyes glittered impishly. Cor suddenly had a bad feeling about this.

“It means I can finally give you that lordship I have been meaning to grant you, and you always denied.”

“Regis, no”, Cor groaned, resigned.

His only answer was an unrepentant laugh.

“And don't dare not to invite us to your wedding. My wife will haunt you, if you don't.”

[goldenkamuyhunting]

Do you think Ogata is a sociopath?

Sorry for the late reply. Sadly this is an extremely busy working period for me.

Anyway…

is Ogata fitting sociopath trope?

It’s a really interesting question and also, if I’m not wrong, a hot topic for the fandom so I’ll try to answer it the best I can.

I’ll use as reference for the Sociopath trope tvtropes because it’s good enough to analyze a character of a litterary work.

So, for this trope, we’re given 5 defining qualities (I’ll copy the words of tvtrope below so people don’t have to go back and forth to check it).

1) Lack of Empathy and Devoid of Conscience: Their defining feature. Utterly ruthless doesn't begin to describe them: except for when trying to appear normal, they will disregard any social norms and semblance of morality in pursuit of their own selfish desires. The Sociopath will do whatever it takes: lie, cheat, steal, extort, manipulate, or use outright violence without the slightest hesitation, disgust or remorse, and for as little as Pleasure or The Evulz. Murder and violence have no more emotional weight than eating Chinese takeout or some other mundane activity, and they have no concern for the direct or collateral damage they do to other people, being unable to understand why anyone should. Likewise, they never truly understand the feelings of others on anything more than an intellectual level, and may even believe that everybody else is faking it too. As many Real Life criminal psychologists put it: "They know the words but not the music." Techniques for learning moral behaviour, such as reason, therapy, rehabilitation and behavioral reward/punishment, will not work on them or tend to only make their behavior even worse by making it easier for them to fake it. This is why the only thing resembling consistently successful treatment involves teaching them to avoid behaviors that have predictable consequences; they may still believe that consequences are bullshit, but if they have been made sufficiently aware of the fact that their behavior will always end up with them in jail, getting sued, or simply just getting jumped or killed when they fuck with the wrong people, and that they can't lie and fake their way out of it because people are wise to their game, they will usually shape up.

Noda actually debunk this in Ogata’s second apparition and it’s THE DEFINING FEATURE of the trope.

Not only he has Ogata decide they won’t kill Tanigaki in Huci’s house because Huci reminds him of his grandmother, whom he loved and therefore he doesn’t want to kill her (chap 43),

but he also have him to save Nikaido (Chap 45)

eventhough Ogata is sure it’s a trap (Chap 45).

In case people hadn’t gotten the message well Noda remarks his meetingwith Huci left an impression by having him remember her when Tanigaki mentionedher (chap 110)

making him consequently offer to help Tanigaki (yeah the way hewent at it was horrible) and in other small instances (like how although hedoesn’t believe in dreams he tells Asirpa he should write her instead than justsaying he should ignore her for being senile and naïve (chap 113)).

He also remarks that Ogata knew a wounded Nikaido would be a liability byshowing how one of the war techniques Ogata learnt in war was to woundopponents instead than killing them (chap 46)…

and underlines this again in thefight with Vasily, where not only it’s explained again how wounding opponentsis a technique used to damage enemies (Chap 162)...

but Ogata also comments on how Vasilywon’t expose himself for his companions as he evidently would be comfortablehearing their screams of pain through all the night (chap 162)...

which was what Ogata should have done instead than saving Nikaido.

We’ve other instances in which Ogata showed he’s not utterly ruthless,like when he saves Shinpei instead than letting his father kill him and onlyafterward killing the man (chap 59).

We’ve him claiming he doesn’t feel guilt for the people he kills and yethe hallucinates and is clearly haunted by the memory of his brother, whom hekilled (chap 164/165).

More recently instead we’ve the scene in which he comfort Koito (chap199)

...or the fact once he was left alone with Koito he didn’t harm him in retaliation for slamming his head against his nose but just tied him (Chap 200).

Noda likely created those settings exactly to debunk the defining feature of thetrope, so we won’t get the wrong impression about Ogata.

2) Consummate Liar and Manipulator: In the event they are ever targets of suspicion in crime dramas and thrillers, sociopaths are able to fool any Living Lie Detectors in the cast, pass polygraphs effortlessly, and fool even you, the audience, into believing they are genuinely kind and caring people who are victims of a "big misunderstanding" (assuming they are not so smugly confident of their own invincibility that they feel no need to hide their unsavory personality). Moreover, despite their lack of empathy, sociopaths are capable of using their knowledge of others' desires, emotions and insecurities to manipulate them for their own personal gain. Because of this, many of them are Faux Affably Evil. This is related to their lack of empathy and shame - they don't feel the slightest discomfort about lying or exploiting others, so they do so with the same ease in which normal people perform mundane activities. This is why you should always assume that any apparent epiphany from a sociopath is bullshit; as far as they're concerned, it's just another tool to get what they want, and they don't actually believe that they have done anything wrong. Don't let them know that they are full of shit, because it will just force them to become more slick, but do act with the knowledge that they will go right back to their old ways the minute that they think it is safe to do so.

Yeah, Ogata lies in Golden Kamuy. All the cast does, even Asirpa.

But the idea here is he has to be a consummate one, a GOOD one, a masterful one, not just a guy who here and there lies. He has to be so good at lying he can manipulate others though his lies.

And Ogata fails at lying. Noda debunks this as well in Ogata’s second apparition when he tells Tanigaki that he was joking when he said Tanigaki might have killed Tamai and Co and Tanigaki is free to remain in Huci’s house because Ogata will act as if he had never seen Tanigaki (Chap 43).

Tanigaki is so sure Ogata is being sincere he thinks he has to leave AS SOON AS POSSIBLE (Chap 43).

And I’ve spent lot of time discussing how his lie about Sugimoto’s final moments was a complete and utter mess, the clear sign the most Ogata can do are extremely simple lies because as soon as he tries to make up a story that’s as unbelievable as possible.

Ogata can be a good strategist during a battle.

We see it in the Barato arc, also in the sniper duel and, if we want, also in his recent escape. However he’s clearly not good at manipulating people in interactions.

He can’t win over their trust, which is a big requisite to manipulate people as he’s almost universally distrusted, we see it not only with Tanigaki, who simply didn’t buy his lie nor spilled the truth about Sugimoto’s involvement but also with Sugimoto himself, who’ll be more prone to trust Kiro or Hijikata, who’ll both betray him to try to get Asirpa, and even Tsurumi than Ogata even when it’ll be really obvious Ogata is actually right (remember the fake Ainu arc?), with Yuusaku, who won’t spend time with whose women nor kill a man, with Asirpa, who won’t give him the code and honestly, I’m not even sure his attempt at hinting Tsurumi’s involvement in Koito’s kidnapping will be something Koito will understand.

In order to be a manipulator is not enough to attempt to manipulate, you’ve to do so successfully. And Ogata fails at this.

3) Pathological Need for Stimulation: The Sociopath's raison d'etre (i.e.: an overriding goal which serves as one's "reason for existence"). Due to their inability to empathize or even care for those around them, sociopaths largely view their existence as boring or meaningless and therefore feel compelled to engage in "thrill-seeking" activities to alleviate their restlessness. How this manifests depends largely on the sociopath's personality. It can be as relatively benign as binging on video games, compulsively gambling, or leading highly promiscuous lifestyles. Far more dangerous examples are prone to satiate their lust for thrills by partaking in criminal enterprises, becoming serial rapists and/or killers, or (if they are unusually high-functioning) accumulating vast wealth and/or influence for the sole purpose of dominating as many people as they can for their own amusement. Due to their obsession with indulging their insatiable appetites however they want whenever they want, sociopaths have a very low tolerance for inconvenience or irritation which in turn leads them to have a pronounced lack of impulse control. Because of this, many of them are Ax-Crazy, have a Hair-Trigger Temper, and/or are Mood Swingers.

That’s hard to say.

So far Ogata never stated to find existence boring without action. Sure, he’s engaged in a very risky hunt and he’s rather reckless but does he has a pathological need for this or, like the rest of the cast, he’s just thinking this is the price to pay to reach his goal? He’s in this for the fun of it or he has a different purpose? Until we don’t know Ogata’s goal we can speculate as much as we want but we can hardly say for sure.

What we know is Ogata has a very good impulse control, that he’s usually very cold and even in the few circumstances we’ve seen him angry or in a tight spot he hardly lost it.

4) Shallow Affect and Complete Lack of Emotional Reciprocity: A Sociopath is physiologically incapable of experiencing a deep emotional attachment towards others but - being a Consummate Liar - learns early in life how to fake them. This shallow emotional life means that the Sociopath is unable to form sincere long-term relationships with anything or anyone, but will feign feelings of love and affection if they feel it serves their purposes. Most of the true feelings a sociopath harbors towards others, positive or negative, are rooted in an insatiable desire to dominate or control them. While narcissists desire to be loved or at least respected, sociopaths don't care whether others view them positively as long as they don't stand in the way of their own self-centered gratification. In the rare event that a Sociopath actually does form an "attachment" to another person, it rises no further than that between an owner and a possession and/or a valuable resource for advancing their goals. Thus, once such "friends" cease to be useful or entertaining, they will abandon them or, in some cases, even kill them without any hesitation or regret. Any emotional reaction to having committed a heinous act is met indifference at best and glee at worst.

Technically debunked again in Ogata’s second apparition.

As said before not only Ogata declared he had feelings for his grandmother but even went out of his way to spare Huci because it reminded him of her.

But I know this is viewed in a rather controversial manner.

In fact so far we hadn’t seen him developing a deep emotional attachment toward others as he remained a loner.

The fandom though was very impressed by two things.

One is his relationship with Yuusaku. It’s worth to note that Noda made very clear that Ogata wanted to avoid Yuusaku and not have a relationship with him at all (chap 164),

...and it was on Tsurumi’s request he ended up on having to try to deceive him and get them what they wanted. It’s also meaningful how Ogata never played the whole thing on the affection side. The most he did was to point out he and Yuusaku were brothers so they should get to mischief together, but he never tried to use feelings into the play, he insisted in calling Yuusaku ‘Yuusaku-dono’ and he never asked Yuusaku to do something because Ogata loved him or out of the love Yuusaku should feel for him.

Ogata is clearly not faking any affection for Yuusaku, he’s at most giving him some of his time. Yuusaku, who has already decided Ogata has to be delighted to have a little brother even when Ogata clearly hinted the contrary, might not see it but this speaks more of Yuusaku’s obsession to get Ogata to be his big brother than about Ogata’s attempt at faking feelings he didn’t felt.

The other thing the fandom likes to talk about is Ogata’s relationship with Asirpa.

That one is a rather controversial topic.

Asirpa is friendly with Ogata. Nothing over the top, she just deal with him with the same kindness she would deal with everyone else (actually she’s kinder with Tanigaki considering the guy threatened her and tried to use her as human shield and she completely forgave him that and saved his life. Twice).

Ogata’s interactions with her, for most of the story, are not responding to it at all.

He’s not faking affection, he’s just mostly not interacting and keeping on his own.

It takes him months to say ‘citatap’ as she repeatedly asked him and call Asirpa by name. It’ll take him even more to say ‘hinna’.

Asirpa decides to remain friendly with him. That’s Asirpa’s decision, it’s not Ogata’s actions, or more exactly his lack of actions that cause Asirpa to remain friend with him.

And Asirpa is clearly not the type who needs to be rejected to latch to someone as we see she’s just fine with being friend with Sugimoto, Shiraishi, Kiroranke, Tanigaki and others, who aren’t keeping distant, nor she’s so starved for affection just a word would win her over.

Even when he will try to get her to give him the code he won’t try to play it on the ‘if you care for me/trust me give me the code’ or on the ‘I care for you so I’m telling you what would be best for you’.

Really, to assume Ogata was faking affection with her would require accepting he can’t fake it to save his life.

5) Grandiose Sense of Self-Worth: The trait that ties it all together - the one that changes it from moustache-twirling evil into a mental disorder. Sociopaths will go so far as to convince themselves that they have succeeded in their plan, even as failure stares them in the face and snaps on the handcuffs. They genuinely believe it. They don't really care what others truly think on the matter, but they do care about what they say, and like to fill their social circle with people who say what they want to hear. Any others - even former 'friends' - will be dismissed from the sociopath's social circle simply for doubting them. They consider themselves better than anybody else and that they are entitled to special treatment - and they can't stand anybody being considered better than them. However, while the Narcissist is self-conscious of how they measure up to others' standards (and therefore will experience shame or guilt for failing them), a sociopath's grandiosity is all-encompassing to the point they have no concern how their actions reflect upon them UNLESS it threatens their ability to indulge their appetite for further stimulation. They are incapable of acknowledging personal responsibility for failure, and will always blame others, no matter how irrational it is. In fact, it's considerably difficult convincing them that the activity they have partaken in has even failed. This is all part of why a sociopath can't change - since they consider themselves to already be perfect, and refuse to acknowledge failure on their part, and consider the true opinions and feelings of others insignificant, they never try to improve themselves.

Honestly I wouldn’t say Ogata has a grandiose sense of self worth.

Sure, he knows he’s an amazing sniper and he occasionally brags about it.

Everyone does know Ogata is amazing at sniping. This is, after all, a fact that’s accepted by the whole cast and that’s actually proved more than once, after all Ogata fits the trope of improbable aiming skills with his impressive feats of shooting two deer at once or managing to catch three woodcocks with a less suitable rifle, exterminating a reindeer herd on his own or hitting targets with an impossible precision from an amazing distance.

Ushiyama too comments on how he’s Ushiyama, the Undefeated, even if he lost to Gansoku here and there when they only used fists (Chap 143).

Just bragging a little on a real skill isn’t a sign of grandiose sense of self-worth, just of rightful pride for it. Yeah, modesty is an important virtue but you don’t turn into a sociopath if you’re proud of what you can do.

What’s more noteworthy though is he knows he’s a rejected kid, anunwanted one, who wasn’t loved and that feels he lacked something fundamental. He’s aware of how, being an illegitimate, his existence was a source of shame for his father. He comments on how he knew he wouldn’t be able to persuade Asirpa, admitting his failure. He admits his responsibility in his actions.

Therefore I can’t really see him as a guy with a grandiose sense of self worth.

And so with this, we’ve finished with the defining traits for this trope.

Tvtropes also says:

Many of these traits are shared with other disorders, but it's the combination of them all that creates the trueSociopath.

In short you need them all to have a character that fits this TROPE (please, remember, this is a TROPE, the real personality disorder that goes with the same name is not something an ordinary person can find out in real people with this checklist, no, not even if, like me, they studied psychology in high school, this is a list for a TROPE as this is a fictional work).

As a result honestly I can’t see Ogata fitting into them because, for the first 2, Noda actually did his best to remark howthey don’t fit to Ogata from his second apparition, for the 3rd we can’t really say as we lack material, I’ll let the 4th up to debate and honestly, I don’t see him matching with the 5th.

As a trope Ogata fits the cold sniper with improbable aiming skills and an ambiguous disorder (at least for now... who knows, in the future Noda might tell us).

The one of the sociopath isn’t really cut on him.

It doesn’t mean Ogata is a good person, or that he only does good things, it’s clear he does a BIG DEAL OF TERRIBLY WRONG THINGS and we know sociopaths can do this sort of wrong things.

However Noda apparently wasn’t interested in making Ogata a sociopath or otherwise he wouldn’t have written scenes debunking a sociopath’s main characteristics and, believe it or not, in real life you don’t need to be a sociopath to do the sort of wrong things Ogata does so it’s not like Noda is being unrealistic.

Sorry to whoever wanted him to be one, I know each fandom loves to have its own memetic psychopath but as they’re not my cup of tea I fear I won’t partake into the ‘fun’ of turning Ogata into one.

Thank you for your ask!

[dregstrash]

gilded crowns (pt. 5)

A/N: Thank you so so so sooo much for all your support with this story. I’ve finally figured out the plot and I’m hoping to post in more normal intervals now I’ve been free from the jaws of school. 

I am, as always, so grateful to everyone who has decided to ever read my stuff. Hope everyone likes this newest chapter!!!

Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3 || Part 4

Description: Prince Kaz of Ketterdam has been subject of much mystery and speculation, but that doesn’t stop his brother, King Jordie, to arrange a marriage from happening to Princess Inej of Suli. Neither party are happy with the arrangement. Kaz has other ideas and if he can drive Inej away, he can get back to the plans that’ll silence the demons that plague his dreams. Of course, what happens when she proves to be as stubborn as he is?

Tagging: @birdskullsandboats @lavehl @hysteriaas @definitely-not-procrastinating @fromferfer @lupine-teddy @ifangirlninja @spell-cleaver @s-artsnstuff @locksandbobbypins @friendo-nintendo @thatonefangirl-mrc @readmeaway @looking-for-wisdom  @terrywho-cartoons  @mykitchenisonfire151 @ysitsohardtofindaname @timeinhereyes

(if you wanna get tagged please let me know!)

Kaz remembered the first time he was ever afraid. He and Jordie were exploring in the gardens and they had stumbled upon a garden snake. Jordie, curious and reckless as always, stalked forward a long stick in his hand. Kaz had yelped in surprise and warning, and Jordie just shot his younger brother the smile that had gotten them into trouble on more than one occasion.

“There’s nothing to be afraid of, Kazzie,” He crooned. He had forced Kaz to take the stick and push him slightly into the lumbering creature.

“Stop!” Kaz had protested as his brother continued to push him forward. Already images of the snake uncoiling and wrapping around its neck, forcing the breath out of his body were swimming in his mind. The very idea of losing that simple control of breathing had Kaz’s small hand trembling and shaking.

But Jordie hadn’t listened, he simply wrapped his bigger hand around his and guided Kaz to poke the snake. The creature hissed in surprise and slinked off deeper into the shadows faster than either could blink and Kaz let out a loose, hysterical laugh.

“See?” Jordie ruffled his hair the way Kaz hated and continued on their walk. 

“As long as you don’t give yourself time to be think, not much can scare you.”

Looking back, Kaz could admit that that was terrible advice. Especially to a boy no older than ten, but as he tried to sit calmly at dinner, he was glad for those words. Because if Kaz gave himself any room to hesitate in the plan that he had discussed with Nikolai the night before, then he would never be able to get the information he wanted.

“How are you liking Ketterdam, Princess?” Jordie’s voice filtered through Kaz’s thoughts.

“I like it just fine, Your Majesty, I thank you for your hospitality.”

“It’s no trouble at all. We rarely get visitors these days, and I’m sure my brother enjoys the company.” The insinuation was thick in Jordie’s voice, and Kaz didn’t need to turn to face Inej to see the stiffness in her face. In any other situation Kaz would have cut his brother in a withering glare. But instead he seized the opportunity with both hands.

“I am very much enjoying the princess’s company.” Kaz rasped, fighting for his voice to adopt a lighter tone. “And I believe that a union would not be so terrible between us.”

The noisy clink of utensils up and down the table suddenly stilled. Everyone gathered, Jordie, his advisers, the Suli ambassadors, and Princess Inej, all gaped at him. Ignoring them, Kaz plunged on, “I’ve taken a look at some of the reports of our trade routes, and I don’t see why the Suli won’t make good, permanent trading partners.”

“Wait--” Jordie struggled for words, “Kaz, are you saying that--”

“And I was actually hoping to make things rather official for the sake of the paperwork,” Kaz talked on, slicing his food, feigning his nonchalance, “But I don’t see why I would need to prolong this decision any longer.”

“Your Highness, could it be--” The Suli ambassador’s eyes were lit up with triumph and joy.

But Kaz didn’t let the interruption stop him, “I would like to accept the Suli’s offer of marriage, and be formally engaged to the Princess Inej.”

If a painter had captured this moment, Kaz would have liked to call it “The Surprise Before the Storm.” Because that’s what it was. His brother’s mouth had hung open, caught between a smile and astonishment. His advisers eyes were drawn in befuddlement. The ambassador was suspended in a look of complete triumph. And Inej, oh Inej, she was Fury incarnate with her cheeks flushed and her eyebrows drawn in furious lines.

Less than a second after Kaz said the words, the table erupted in congratulations and applause and a call for more wine. Jordie clapped his brother on the shoulder proudly, and told him that he was doing his country a service. He probably missed the fact that Kaz had winced at the contact, and he was sure to have missed the way Kaz had started to leave the room as the servants came flooding back in with wine decanters in their hands.

Kaz started the long walk back to his rooms, and he mentally mapped out the rest of the plan.

His brother would overindulge himself tonight, that he was sure of. Which meant official paperwork wouldn’t be drawn until mid-afternoon tomorrow. That gives the ambassador plenty of time to start making arrangements with Inej to plan the wedding and alerting her parents to the news. He turned a corner and weighed the other factors in his mind. More likely than not the wedding would be planned for the coming months that would give Nikolai plenty of time to--

Kaz’s train of thought staggered to a screeching halt as he was being shoved roughly against the wall with the tip of a blade resting at his throat. A thin, but feminine forearm kept his chest pressed back, and he wasn’t all that surprised to see Inej glaring up at him.

“How dare you?” She hissed out.

If her anger wasn’t enough, he could feel the heat of her body singeing his clothes, and he fought for breath as he tried to fight the wave of dizziness that had exploded behind his eyelids. He wanted to push her away, or tell her to move, but he risked looking weak. And he couldn’t afford that. So, he tried to breathe through it, but his efforts were impeded as his Adam’s apple brushed against the sharp edge of her knife. “Am I supposed to answer that question or wait for you to kill me?” Kaz mused. “This is the first time I’ve had a knife to my throat, so you’ll have to let me know as it looks like you’ve had a lot of practice.”

“You had no right to decide that without talking to me.” She said, ignoring the question in his voice.

“No right to already make an inevitable decision that would be forced upon us later?” He argued.

“No one was going to force me to marry the likes of you.”

“Is that why your parents left for Suli? Leaving you here to some sort of prolonged dream vacation?”

Her nostrils flared, but he knew that he had hit some unknown nerve.

“Our fates were sealed with our births, Princess.” Kaz continued. “I’m just doing it on my own terms.”

“This is not some decision that is only reliant on you. I’m not some unwanted present that you can take apart to fit your needs, Prince.”

“I never presumed you were.”

“Oh really?” She scoffed, “Because from what I’ve seen, that’s how you treat everyone.”

Something flashed in her eyes, and he knew that she was remembering that night at the Crow’s Club. That night two weeks ago, neither of them had acknowledged, that had caused a new line of  tension in their already strained relationship.

He resisted the urge to tell her that it was her idea to follow him, and that it was her fault that she had to witness the punishment he inflicted on cheating dealers (someone should have told the man that his boss had eyes like a bird, and the mercy of a demon). He also tamped down the need to defend himself that it was only a pinky, because in all honesty, he could have done much, much worse.

His goal that night was for Inej to see him for the monster that he really was, and somehow seeing it for himself brought an unexpected bitterness in his mouth.

Swallowing down his revulsion, Kaz pressed forward a little bit, risking cutting his own throat as he stared Inej down, “What do you expect, Your Highness? When you’ve already been taken apart, it’s hard to see anything as whole.”

She’d never really know what it really meant to be taken apart. She’d never have dreams painted in his mother’s blood as he recalled the way her head was slumped forward, her bed coated in the sticky wet blood. She’d never feel the absolute terror of finding his father drowned in his tub with a hooded man still dripping from the bathwater startle at the sight of the younger boy. She’d never know the blackness that suddenly gripped Kaz’s vision as strong arms forced his whole body into the water with the lifeless body of what used to be his father. The blackness that wasn’t strong enough to block the feeling of his father’s bloated corpse on top of his, as water forced its way into his lungs and a stronger hand kept him from the sanctuary of air.

“That’s no excuse, Kaz.” His name on her lips was much worse than any cold title or hint of disdain. Hearing her soft voice curl around the short syllable made him almost forget the precarious position they were in. With her holding his life in the palm of her hand.

“I wasn’t trying to make an excuse,” Kaz bared his teeth. She moved her position slightly and the bare skin of her arm brushed against the exposed exposed skin of his collar. The unexpected contact brought in a new wave of nausea and a surprising shock of panic.

Without thinking about the blade or what she might think, he hastily maneuvered out of her grip and growled when she tried to take a step forward. His chest was heaving slightly as cold sweat formed a new layer over his skin, and he tried his hardest to regain his composure.

When he straightened to look her in the eye, he ignored the vague look of concern on her face. He hadn’t been planning on letting the princess in on his plans, but he reconsidered his earlier decision. She was light on her feet, looked like she could handle herself in a fight, and heavily determined to not be married to him. These could all lend themselves to his favor if he played his cards right.

He coughed as if nothing had happened and brushed his suit nonchalantly, “The engagement is just a distraction, darling Princess. I just need more time to get some business in order, and once that happens, I’ll happily break it off, and you can go back to Suli to be offered on a platter to a prince who actually cares.”

Her earlier concern was soon taken over with surprise then suspicion .

“What do you mean?” She asked cautiously.

“I have some dealings with Strumhond that need a large distraction, and our wedding is practically made for it. I assure you, you will not have to be married to me by the end of it.”

She sheathed her knife with a practiced ease, and crossed her arms over her chest. She wore a deep purple dress tonight. The cut of it simple enough to not be extravagant, but still elegant enough to constantly assault Kaz with the simple fact that she really was beautiful. The deep flutter of his stomach as that realization dawned on him only had him scowling further.

“What exactly are you planning with that pirate?”

Kaz bit the urge to correct her, and shrugged, “It’s none of your concern.”

“I’m the one engaged to you, of course it’s my concern.”

“So you’re saying you do accept the engagement?” Kaz smirked. Inej gave him a blank look, and he almost laughed at the expression. He gave a flourished bow, “Until the next forced dinner we have to sit through, my darling fiancee.”

[orcinus-ocean]

Pit Bulls Unleashed: My dissection (part 1)

So, I said I was going to tear this documentary apart, and now I’ve finally got the time to do it. I quit watching after less than 15 minutes the first time because I thought “I need to make a review and write it as I watch”. So here you go.

(After a while I realized I would have to split it into several parts, because it’s already getting too long and no one would read any longer than this.)

Disclaimer about sensitivity: This film deals with the very real tragedy of a child being violently killed, and the trauma the babysitter suffered. I in no way wish to be disrespectful to this. I am not a parent myself, I have no idea what it’s like to lose a child, let alone in such a brutal way, and I have never been present for a brutal attack or death. That however, does not mean people in shock and grief know what they are talking about, and if I hear them saying false, misleading or ridiculous things, I will correct it, but that is all in the interest of getting to honesty and truth, not dancing on a poor child’s grave or their grief. So I don’t need comments telling me how insensitive I am.

The film opens with a real emergency call of a woman screaming about two pit bulls attacking a child, cuts to footage with blood in the snow, then cuts to the same woman saying to the camera that she would "never have imagined in a million years that my dog - my PET - would attack me, and kill a child".

It cuts to the child's father graphically describing the sight of his son after the attack, with a picture of the toddler before it happened.

Overall, with the choice of clips and music, I get a very “modern sensationalist drama-docu feel”, similar to Blackfish and Fatal Attractions.

The first scene depicts about 30 dogs (a dozen of which being "pit bull type dogs") from a shelter in California being welcomed in Calgary. The organizer of this move explains they are taking in dogs on “death row”, that no one has so far shown interest in adopting, and if they didn’t take them, the dogs would be dead. (Then the narrator says these airlifts are done by an “animal rights group” - I think he’s a bit confused about what that term means.)

It cuts to a promotion video showing the pit bull as a perfect family pet, as well as celebrities owning and promoting pit bulls, including Cesar Millan explaining how he raised his kids around pit bulls, and that he hasn’t had a negative story with them.

It then cuts back to the woman in the intro, Susan, saying she used to watch Dog Whisperer before getting "the puppies", and that the show and number of celebrities getting pit bulls was important in convincing her that the dogs were safe.

This is warning sign number #1 to me. They thought the breed must be fine, because "X celebrity has them". I've watched most Dog Whisperer episodes, and in every single one it says "don't try this at home", but I also know how much the average Joe doesn't understand at all what's going on in the show, and so they think they can deal with a dog and be more likely to end up being Mr Millan 2, than one of the horrible cases he deals with (and typically, the cases he works with did watch his show, they just didn’t get the message at all or misinterpreted it horribly).

I may be reading too much into it, but it feels like she’s blaming Cesar for her failure. Meanwhile, he has a vast pack of dogs, maybe half of them pit bulls, often with bad stories, and they never attack each other or a human. He said the breed is fine, he never said every single person can own them. He even lists them among what he calls the “powerful breeds” frequently.

It then cuts to big warning sign #2 for me, as the narrators say how Susan and her boyfriend “adopted two puppies” crossed between pit bull and staffordshire terrier. I couldn’t believe it when I first watched and I hope it’s taken out of context, because it shows puppies maybe 3, 4 weeks old in her arms, and being fed milk in a bowl.

Again, I hope this is out of context and it doesn’t mean that a person with perhaps no dog experience took in these young puppies without a mother, but what’s certain is they took two littermates (or puppies the same age), and raised them together.

That is a horrible idea, as everyone with dog experience knows. You never buy two puppies at once, because you can’t influence them as well as if you had them one-on-one, or only with older dogs. And if she really did take them at barely a month old, that is another huge alarm bell going off.

An animal taken prematurely from its mother will not be as mentally sound as if it had a mother. A human can never do the job as well as a mother of their own species. Let alone a human that perhaps never owned dogs before.

I’m already not surprised it went the way it did. And of course she’ll blame the dogs.

She goes on about how the dogs were trained, socialized with other dogs, how friends’ kids would come over, and that the dogs were loved. I don’t doubt this at all. But this is the common error people make - they think that in order for a dog to attack, they must be abused. So in her mind (perhaps), if the dogs weren’t abused, and they did attack, it must be the breed’s fault.

This is entirely false. All it takes is an owner who misunderstands and disrespects the animal’s nature, and with her ignorance displayed so far, that’s pretty obvious to me.

She sounds exasperated at the fact that the dogs were cuddling with her in her bed “that morning”, and it again cuts to the image of the toddler boy, Dax.

The narrator explains how, on the morning of March 6th, 2013, Susan was babysitting Dax as she had many times before, and it cuts to his dad, Jeff, describing his boy. The narrator then explains how that morning, Susan let the dogs out while holding Dax, and that within seconds, the dogs went “from pets to predators”.

"They just kept coming at us, and Dax... they pulled him out of my arms, and...“

I wasn’t there, no one but her was there, to my knowledge there is no footage of the event, but what I can guess at is that the two dogs - brought up together as puppies by an inexperienced owner, perhaps allowed to jump and lick and play very “rambuctiously”, because she thought they were “perfectly safe” (no dog is “perfectly safe”, unless it’s a 15 year old Chihuahua with no teeth), were running around, playing, engaging in normal predator-play fight behavior between each other.

Then they went over to Susan and Dax, and started jumping on her in a “playful” manner, and she held Dax back (again, this is all speculation), something people almost always do when holding a child and dogs interfere.

What happens then is as you move the child (same if you’re holding an object, like food), it becomes a target. As it moves away, the dogs want to follow, and have it more. Then the two of them would have been jumping on her, still in predator-play/fight mode, and it switched very quickly from play to reality, to adult predator mode.

I said it the other day in the other post, I’ll say it again, because people need to get it - dogs are not rational.

DOGS. ARE. NOT. FURRY. HUMANS.

In 2012, a case happened in Sweden that could have led to a death, but didn’t. Two Alaskan malamutes were out running in the forest, far away from their (irresponsible) owner. The dogs came upon a few women riding horses, and so chased the horses (prey animal). The horses bolted, and eventually, one of the riders jumped off as she could not control her horse, and the dogs proceeded to savage her.

She survived, but both dogs were killed. The owner faced no charges. Of course. It’s what always often happens. I was enormously frustrated at this, becuase most likely, there was nothing wrong with the dogs. Nothing at all.

They were just predators (malamutes have this stronger than many other breeds, and they are very large and powerful, but all dogs have it to some extent) running together in the forest (pack behavior, egging each other on to a state neither dog could have been on their own), they found large prey animals, they chased the prey animals, all these hormones would be coursing through their systems, preparing them for “the kill”, and then a human fell to the ground.

At that point, all rationality, all the years they’ve spent being loved by humans and perhaps never showing aggression even once, go out the window. The human is now just a piece of meat on the ground, a prey that has fallen. The dogs might have been completely normal, they just ended up in the wrong situation, because of a stupid, reckless owner, who went unpunished and could then go and just buy another two large, powerful dogs and set them loose in the forest and the same thing would happen again.

(Also in Sweden at the time, debates emerged about “Is the Alaskan malamute a dangerous breed?” Because apparently, there are “dangerous breeds”, and there are “safe breeds“, but that’s for later.)

Fredrik Steen, Sweden’s #1 “dog expert” said the following (translated by me): “We [in Sweden] romanticize dogs way too much. We forget that we’re dealing with predators, we don’t understand that basically all dogs are fully capable of doing this.”

Back to the film.

It cuts back to the original emergency call, with Susan screaming hysterically and crying for an ambulance.

Jeff explains how he was notified that Dax had been "bitten" and was taken to the hospital, and he thought "it's a dog bite, I was bitten by dogs before, how bad could it be?"

He describes that as he arrived at the hospital, he saw Dax being given CPR, and how his face was “just gone, from here - down, was just mangled”, and “there was blood everywhere”. The doctors could not save him.

I am making my own records from the list of “fatal dog attacks in the United States” on Wikipedia, and by March 6th, 2013, I find this, with more details of the attack than in the film:

When babysitter, baby in her arms she went out into her backyard let her two 45 lb. , they became "nippy", jumping up at the pair, so she batted them off. The dogs then attacked, and bit & scratched her, shredding her clothing and knocking her down, causing the boy to hit the ground, whereupon the dogs attacked him. The babysitter tried unsuccessfully to stop the attack, and redirect the dogs' attack onto her.

So I was right in my speculation that the dogs started by jumping and switched from previous play behavior to predatory behavior.

A neighbor heard screams but did nothing as he thought it was kids having a snowfight. She got the child away from the dogs and called 911 but left the baby unattended & totally naked on a cold hardwood floor. The boy was taken by ambulance to the hospital, and by helicopter from the hospital to a medical center later that day, where he was pronounced dead of dog attack. Before the attack, the veterinarian center where they had been spayed, neutered, and otherwise cared for had not seen them as dangerous, but one was described as "standoffish" while at the facility. The owner said she had got the three-year-old dogs as puppies and that they had never shown signs of aggression. After the attack, the dogs were euthanized and tested negative for rabies, and the authorities decided not to press charges against the babysitter.

They decided it was not her fault at all, while I often see these cases (again, in the list of cases in America) ending up charging the owners for “criminally negligent manslaughter” or similar things.

She went off completely free, despite it being her dogs, her responsibility, and she put the child in this situation. Maybe the dogs needed to be killed, I don’t know, but I think it’s a disgusting tendency (also seen in said list), where dogs are killed immediately, with no evaluation, but the owner goes free without any charges.

And as for what the film does, this is a very common tactic. A film brings up a highly emotional, devastating anecdote, and tries to use it as their #1 argument. And the thing is that it works, because humans are emotional beings. We’re not as irrational as dogs, but we’re still mainly guided by emotion.

If the film instead had said “in the years 2000-2015, X number of children were killed by pit bulls”, it wouldn’t at all have had the same effect as this one case did, showing it in such detail, talking about the boy’s personality and showing his pictures and footage. Documentaries on pit bull and “dangerous dogs” almost always do this.

While of course the long list of cases where labs and huskies (or other “non-controversial” breeds) kill children, are completely irrelevant. If they had made a documentary about “killer labs”, and brought up one of these cases in the same way, it probably wouldn’t have had the same effect, because the cultural narrative is that “pit bull = baby eating devil dog”.

The film explains the same thing, how Susan was found “not to be at fault”, and Jeff goes on to say how she didn’t do anything wrong, because “she didn’t abuse ‘em, the dogs were in good health”. This again. I’m finding it very difficult to be respectful right now, because grief doesn’t excuse you saying ridiculous, damaging things on TV.

I’ll repeat myself: You do not need to abuse, starve, beat or train a dog to fight in order for it to attack someone. Doesn’t matter if it’s a pit bull or another breed. All it takes is an owner disrespecting the predatory nature of dogs and being the type of person who would say “I would never in a million years have imagined this!”

If you say that, you are the problem, not the dog. However, pit bulls are large, powerful terriers with a very intact killing instinct towards other animals, and it makes it even more important that they aren’t placed with these idiot owners who think dogs are just living teddy bears/furbabies.

“They were good-natured dogs until the day they weren’t” Jeff says - spoken as a true ignorant person who doesn’t understand animal behavior.

Susan then says "Who wants to admit for even a second that their family pet could kill one of their family members?"

I do. No hesitation.

^ See this guy? This is my dog. Eight and a half year old Mallorcan bulldog, distant cousin to other bulldogs and mastiffs. People who see him would think he’s a pit x rottie mix. He’s bigger than a retriever, and a very serious guard dog. I raised him from a puppy, my first own puppy.

I trained bite inhibition with him from the start. He never bit a human in aggression, in fact after about 10-12 months of age, he never bit me even in play, unless I simply got in the way when he was chewing a stick or something. My mistake, not his. He knows not to ever bite people.

I trust him with my life, as a highly loyal guard dog, who loves us and takes his job very seriously. Does that mean I think he’s a “human”, my “furbaby” and that he could never act irrationally, or out of character? Absolutely not.

When he was living with my man and his family for a while, my sister-in-law had a baby. I told my man to not let Wikus (the dog) in the room with the baby for any reason. I don’t mean “unsupervised”, I mean at all.

He was six years old then, never showed aggression to a child in his life, in fact he lets neighborhood kids hug and pet him, under my strict supervision, and has been around my sister’s young kids, just calmly ignoring them. I trust him with me. I didn’t trust the people he was with, including my dear man, to read him right and be able to predict the situation. Wikus was fine with kids, but he had never seen a baby before, and I wasn’t there to judge the situation. (Also, Wikus was not himself while living there and started attacking cats, after years of being completely fine with cats when with me.)

I’m not going to be so stupid as to think “he’s a nice dog!” and leave it at that. Or feel a need to “prove” how “sweet” he is and let him nuzzle the baby.

So what do I do, briefly, do make sure my dog doesn’t hurt anyone?

It sounds nebulous and abstract, but I “respect him as a dog”. I realize he’s a 70 pound case of muscles and teeth, and could do terrible damage in the right (wrong) circumstances. I realize he has strong protective instincts of the pack and territory, and though he has never shown predatory behavior, he still has the wild dog or wolf inside, buried very deep down.

I obedience- and recall-train. I only have him loose when other people and dogs aren’t around.

If I thought he was dangerous, as a dog that might actually go after another animal or person (and you need to know this about your dog), I wouldn’t have him loose in an unfenced area at all. (This might sound confusing. If I thought he had a 1% chance of attacking someone, I wouldn’t have him off leash. I don’t think there’s a 0.1% chance even, but it still exists in all dogs. Not all dogs are equally dangerous, but the risk is never exactly zero.)

I made sure to socialize him with kids as a puppy, but in later years I’ve sometimes said no to kids asking to pet him, because while I can account for my dog, I can’t account for their behavior, and kids often don’t listen.

I do play tug-o-war with him, especially when he was younger, but it was always strictly structured and I needed him to have an “off-button”. As soon as I say stop, he stops, as soon as I tell him to let go (of the rope or stick), he lets go. If he has an object he wants (anything), he drops it when I ask him to.

Structure the walk. People let their dogs leave the house when over-excited, and that’s the mindset that sets up the rest of the walk.

Build a working relationship with the dog, beyond “he’s my baby and I luv him and he’s so sweet and would never hurt a living soul”, because you don’t know that.

Susan continues; “Who wants to for a single second think that that's possible? Think that that could be a reality? I know I certainly didn't. I never would have imagined in a million years before this that my dog, my pet, would attack me, and kill a child.”

I hate to say it, but she is exactly what is wrong with this breed. People who are this ignorant, this naive, and this careless. And then either they or other people go on to blame the breed.

Years ago on a dog forum, I saw someone say, and this may seem ridiculous to some, but I like it: “Better to think you have a lion on the leash and act accordingly, than to think you have a lamb.”

That is exactly what a lot of dog owners think, perhaps especially pit bull owners. They need to prove to the world that their dog is actually a lamb, and when this woman failed, she blamed the breed, she blamed people like Cesar Millan for speaking highly of the breed, she blamed everyone but herself, because it couldn’t possibly be her mistake!

I often hear the same from people campaigning against exotic pets. They’re a failed owner, and so the animal must be banned. “If I couldn’t do it, and I’m so awesome, then obviously everyone must be at least as crap as I was!” Extremely arrogant and naive.

Listen, mistakes happen. Sometimes tragic, fatal mistakes. I don’t want hate on her, I don’t want her thrown in jail, but I want her and others like her to take some responsibility. Because if they refuse to admit their own mistake, they are doomed to repeat it.

You can never make sure something like this attack never happens again, you can’t insure the world against mistakes and human error, but you can take actions to prevent a lot of them. And the first part of that is educating yourself.

Don’t be like these people.

Part 2

Part 3

[sweetbroloveit]

I watched the Handmaid’s Tale S2 finale

Thoughts on the episode and wild speculation for next season below.

I love the Marthas so fucking much. Like honestly, I wept into my glass of wine and uttered this phrase over and over.

This episode was full of women supporting other women: The Marthas helping June and her daughter escape; June comforting Serena after she tried to stand up to the Commanders and lost a finger in the process; the wives trying to stand together to improve the futures of their daughters (even though some of them lost courage towards the end, them rebelling in the first place is a huge step forward); and even June and Rita trying to defend/honour Eden.

I love how Eden’s sacrifice had such a ripple effect on Rita, Serena and June. Despite the differences in their “stations” they are all somehow bound together whether they like it or not.

As excited as I was by the elaborate escape plan and all the people who risked their lives to make it happen, by the time June pulled out the photo of Hannah I knew she would never leave. And I’m honestly not mad. I get it. From the writers’ point of view they can’t have June out of the action in Canada. And I don’t think June would be able to achieve much from outside Gilead to be honest. Look how little Luke has been able to do to get June and Hannah out. And it’s not his fault, it’s just that Gilead is locked up so tight, he is sort of waiting around for the Canadian government or the refugee centre to do something and they must have thousands of cases. So I get it, once June leaves Gilead she won’t be able to get back in and rescue Hannah, so she has to stay. I have a feeling she’ll go underground, I seriously doubt she’ll return to the Waterford house. I agree with those who say her taking up Fred’s offer and staying on as his handmaid would be redundant from a storytelling perspective. We’ve endured 2 seasons of watching June being abused by the Waterfords, we don’t need to see more. Maybe I’m wrong, but I hope she goes into hiding, or moves into the Lawrence house and starts taking an active role in the resistance. Hopefully by uniting Mayday, the Handmaids and the Marthas (and hell, maybe even some of the wives?) in their efforts to bring down Gilead.

The only thing I don’t get is why June told Emily to call the baby Nichole. That made no sense to me. Because she still referred to her as Holly when she was telling the baby about Hannah. Maybe the reason will be revealed next season. But I will be pissed if it was some concession to Serena for letting them leave Gilead.

I also think Nick was definitely in on the escape plan. He was guiding traffic away, looked up at the house and approached before seeing June and Holly on the stairs. He didn’t look even remotely surprised, he just gave June the nod to say goodbye and go. Plus when he did come back into the house he and Rita didn’t even need to talk, she just gave him a look and he immediately followed Fred upstairs and kept him there. I am 100% convinced that Rita filled him in on the Marthas’ plan beforehand.

Speaking of Nick, he was unusually quiet this episode. Granted, he’s not the biggest talker, but even scenes where it would have made sense for him to have lines he just used a look or an exhale to communicate. Props to Max Minghella, ‘cause he made it work. But I do wonder if that was a purposeful choice or if there was something else? Because he seemed to whisper a few words in the scene with Holly (“hi sweetie” etc.) that weren’t in the script, but they were merely murmurs. Maybe Max was sick or lost his voice? Anyway, just something I noticed. Also: that scene with Nick, June and Holly was EVERYTHING! He got to hold his daughter! I had to pause so I could bawl for a good minute. And June told him she loved him finally! I love them so much. Obviously Holly will be in Canada but I also feel like they’re going to separate Nick and June next season. That scene in nursery was like their family’s goodbye for the time being. They both know how they feel about each other, they are on the same page, their daughter is safe, everyone in the Waterford household knows about them, Eden is gone, so there’s no more tension to tease in their relationship. Except for the Luke triangle thing. And I have a feeling that will only come into play further down the road. So the only way to create angst is to separate them. Which sucks, as someone who loves that relationship and the hope it brings to the overall story. But if they do intend on having June be more engaged in the rebellion next season, there should be other storylines to act as the light at the end of the tunnel.

I’m so glad Emily is getting out, I really hope she finds her wife and son next season. It will be interesting to see how she reconnects to the person she used to be. Stabbing Aunt Lydia was impulsive and reckless, not that it’s the first time she’s done something like that, but still. She has so much (understandable) anger now, I think it will be hard for her to adjust to normal life after this. I also really hope she finds Moria and Luke too and that their stories are closely intertwined. They need to expand the Canadian story, maybe start to build the rebellion that side? I kind of want Emily to give Holly to Moria and Luke as well. It will be fascinating to see how Luke reacts to June’s child with another man, particularly since he believes Fred, her rapist, is the father.

I’m also worried about Janine. I know that ever since the Red centre she’s had a very fragile mental state, but she really does seem to have accepted Gilead’s bullshit. Despite her “may the force be with you” joke earlier in the season, I don’t think she would be down for a revolution anytime soon.

Rita, I love you. No explanation necessary. Please be okay next season. She is smart though, I think she covered her tracks enough.

Oh Serena. I hate you but also feel desperately sorry for you. It was so sad to see how brave and strong she looked as she read aloud from the bible and then 5 minutes later to see how broken she was. Fred betrayed her, Gilead betrayed her, God abandoned her. Ugh. I really think she is the only person in the entire show who is a true believer – in the spiritual sense. While Fred has used their religion to suit his own agenda, twisted the parts that help him and ignored the parts that don’t, Serena seems to really believe it’s God’s will. I was really pleased she let June and Holly go. But who knows if next season, once she’s less fragile, she’ll change her mind and try track them down again. You never know with Serena. People often talk about whether or not Serena can be redeemed. I personally don’t think she can ever be forgiven for the things she’s done – there is only one ending for her – however she does have a choice about her actions going forward. The damage is done, but she can still choose to not cause any further damage.

And then there’s Fred. I hate him so much. No redemption, no pity, can’t wait for him to be set on fire and pushed off a cliff. He is just the grossest man. Trying to bribe June with seeing her stolen children, suggesting it would be fun to “try for a boy” even though they both know he is fucking sterile, and expecting her to acquiesce to his continued rape of her for no reason other than his pleasure and power trip. What an awful creep. I cheered for my girl June as she smacked the shit out of him and told him off, cheered for my boy Nick as held him back and flashed his gun. To quote June, go fuck yourself Fred. The end.

[randomnoteforfuturereference]

Aftermath: Bombshell

With Business Dealings showing off the Nurses’ response to the Zimbits kiss, I thought it nice to have a counterpoint piece with the perspective on Dex. Though “nice” may be stretching things a bit in regards to this one. Continued thanks to my awesome beta @kleeklutch.

Warning: this fic contains explicit homophobic language, bullying behavior from someone twice the age of the bullied, allusion to past physical trauma, anxiety, and allusion to the current opioid crisis. 

With that said, I hope you find this to be an engaging story.

It’s late, and half the village is either asleep or getting ready to sleep.

The rest of us? Well, the rest of us are crammed into Aunt Trish & Uncle Jim’s diner and focused on the diner’s new sixty-inch OLED screen, just as we’ve done for the previous six games of the Stanley Cup.

Except now we’re no longer at the edge of our seats and filled with the tension that typified all seven games. Fucking seventh game overtime…

Now we join the cheers coming out of Providence.

Jack raises the Cup, and we all raise our drinks and let out another collective holler that’s probably loud enough to be heard from Bar Harbor.

As everyone else goes from watching the broadcast to chatting with each other, I keep my eyes glued to the television to see if I can find anyone familiar.

And there he is.

Bitty runs across the ice right into Jack’s arms. Because of course. Still, even as I roll my eyes, I smirk and raise my bottle to them. Jack not only deserves the Cup; the two deserve all the happiness they can get.

I bet Ransom and Holster have to resist pulling out the sin bin. Because the way those dramatic saps are hugging, they’re probably close t—Oh.

My smile fades as blood drains from my face. They aren’t actually going to… They wouldn’t be so reckless… They wouldn’t… Would they?

Bitty leans back and stares straight into Jack’s eyes. Something’s said, and the serious look between the two turns into smiles.

Oh fuck. OH FUCK.

I scramble for the remote. Everyone’s having fun celebrating, so nobody should notice me turning off the television. 

Gotcha! As I mash the remote’s buttons, the room goes silent.

They’ll probably tell me off for messing with the controls. I don’t care. It’s not like there’s anything to watch now since it’s just the post-game. All I’m doing is keeping the electricity bill down.

Then I see the blue light reflected off the countertop. No. This isn’t happening. Nonono…

As I raise my head, my stomach drops.

In grabbing the remote, I hadn’t turned off the television. I merely muted it.

On screen, my captains are kissing. Not the affectionate pecks that garnered so many fines. No, it’s the intense lip-locked version that they indulge in whenever they’d think nobody is nearby; their expectation is frequently not the reality, but it’s not like we’ve let them know that.

The camera hasn’t moved on but instead is zooming in on them. In the background, other cameras are focusing in as well.

Leave them alone, you fucking seagulls!

Of course, they don’t. As there’s no way in hell the media’s going to look elsewhere, I turn away for them.

I immediately regret my decision.

Everyone in the diner has their widened eyes locked onto the screen. There’s no more joy on their faces.

Only shock.

I steel myself for what will come after that shock. I hope that they’ll accept Bitty and Jack, whom they were cheering just minutes beforehand. I prepare for the possibility that they may not react well to the news. To be honest, a cowardly part of me just feels relief that the matter will be settled one way or the other, and it’s not brought up by me.

Finally, Pa breaks the silence:

“Huh.”

… What.

I wait for the elaboration on that. Any kind of elaboration. Anything. Anything!

Uncle Miguel looks in my direction. Dammit, anything but focusing on me.

“The blond boy…” he notes, “that’s your captain next year, aye?”

I almost gag in my attempt to get my throat unstuck. “A-ayuh.”

“… Huh.”

Oh for FUCK’S SAKE!

Aunt Meg chimes in: “I mean, from what you told us about the blond one, I can kind of see it? Didn’t you say he’s a bit…?” She makes a limp-wrist gesture.

I’m saved from answering that by Uncle Jeremy saying, “Yeah, no surprise there. But Jack Zimmermann?”

By now, the whole diner is overcome by a low chorus of discussion, bafflement, and speculation. As well as those damn noncommittal grunts. Not to mention a bucketful of confusion from my younger cousins; one’s just asking me if that means Bitty is the girl.

The whole while, I’m trying and failing to make sense about the reaction.

While there are some comments of disapproval about how Bitty and Jack are making a scene, nobody’s explicitly disparaging or condemning the two. Which I guess is good? But nobody’s offering notes of support or at least acceptance either; though I suppose the comments about the “gutsiness” of the move count as a positive.

Overall, nobody seems to know what to think about this. If they do know, they certainly aren’t letting their thoughts be heard.

It’s pissing me off.

“So Zimmermann’s gay,” states a cousin.

“Bi,” I correct.

“Huh.”

Okay, that’s it! I all but throw my hands up as I move for the exit.

“You knew.”

The hissed accusation stops me in my tracks as I realize that there’s one person who would have a stance, and I turn to have Uncle Owen glaring right in my face.

“I… I—“

“You knew those two were screwing each other.”

Uncle Owen punctuates his statement by jabbing his finger into my chest.

In this moment, it doesn’t matter how much hockey has built me up. I feel like I’m a scrawny ten-year-old again, and each jab forces me backwards. Except for those in the immediate vicinity, most of the crowd is still too deep in conversation to notice.

“How long, boy?” he spits.

“Since…” I hate how small my voice sounds. I hate how those around me, even though they don’t like Uncle Owen, are curious for an answer. I hate how part of me wants to give more information than they expect but… can’t. “Since December.”

Actually longer, but nobody needs to know.

Nobody needs to know anything.

“Only two years in that libtard ‘school’, and you’re just full of surprises,” Uncle Owen muses. “Wasn’t the captain elected unanimously by the team?”

“Yes.” Shit! My answer comes out just as I realize why he asked that question. But it’s too late to take it back.

“So you knew the little shit’s a pervert and still voted for him?”

“He’s not a pervert.” I grit out as my hands ball into fists.

“So you say,” he sneers. “And I hear you’re spending the next year in the same house.”

A small part of me feels relief that he doesn’t know that I’m going to room with Nursey. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to control myself right now if the shit he spews goes in that direction. “The rent’s better.”

“Hah. Of course that’s your excuse: ‘The rent’s better.’” There’s a gleam in his eyes that’s too knowing for my liking. “What other faggoty secrets—“

“That’s enough, Owen,” Pa growls while shoving his way through the now-silent crowd. “Leave my son alone.”

My father may be leaning his cane, and he may have kept his right arm back home. But in this moment, he looks ready to kick any able-bodied asshole’s ass.

Uncle Owen sputters, “You’re willing to let this Cultural Marxism—“

“I don’t give a flying fuck if Billy has a Little Red Book in his back pocket. You say another goddamn word to him tonight, and I’ll convince Shannon to finally cut you out of her life for good.” Pa doesn’t even raise his voice, but it’s enough to make everyone take a step back. “That will be after I rearrange your face to be as ugly as mine.”

I don’t know how long the standoff lasts. I only know that Uncle Owen is the one to back down and storm out… and that the bloody crescents in my palms are probably going to last a bit.

As if to enforce a sense of normalcy, the collective conversation picks right back up where it left off. This is despite the subject of the conversation being anything but normal. Still, Pa and I spend a few more minutes milling around before he nods to the door. Then the two of us take our leave and begin the walk back home.

As the sounds of the diner fade, I finally check my phone. Surprise surprise, the chat feed is on fire. Right now it’s mostly incomprehensible gibberish; also Nursey’s making cryptic suggestions to check the national business news in the coming week.

Once everyone calms down, the team should discuss how to proceed from here.

Finally, I look up from my phone and back at Pa to state, “… You do know I’m no tankie, right?”

Pa chuckles, “I know. Just making a point.”

Heh, yeah. A point. He’s just saying that he’d love me no matter what. But would his love really be so unconditional if I actually started spouting commie, nazi, or beardie propaganda? I know mine wouldn’t.

So then why did he bring it up?

Uncle Owen was the one who said ‘Marxism’ first, and Pa was just taking the statement to its logical conclusion. Don’t think too much of it.

But did Pa rebuke Uncle Owen because what was being said was wrong? Or was it just because I was attacked?

If Uncle Owen made his language just focused on them gaysexuals, would Pa make the same statement except with the Little Red Book replaced by a rainbow flag? If he did, would that mean he considers being queer as bad as a communist?

I know that I should really be giving my father more credit than that, and there’s a weight in my stomach at the fact that I’d even have doubts. But still…

Pa nudges me. “Something on your mind?”

“Just… thinking about the coming year.” Which is technically the truth.

That gets a nod from him. “It will be interesting. No doubt about that.”

Yeah… interesting. I can just see the attention Bitty will get between him being Jack’s boyfriend and the first out NCAA ice hockey captain. Media may even come to Samwell.

People will know Bitty lives at the Haus. People will know where the Haus is; even if the media doesn’t divulge the location, it’s not like it’s hard to find due to all the damn kegsters.

What if we get paparazzi waiting for Jack to come to Samwell? What if there is paparazzi obsessed with Bitty himself? What if we get assholes who decide that spewing shit in a comment feed won’t cut it?

We don’t even keep the door locked. But even if we get the Haus secure, we have to walk to campus. Even in school, it’s not like they gate off the campus and limit access.

We should put in new locks and give out a limited set of keys. Convince the frats to install a surveillance system along the whole street. Maybe we’ll even have to stop hosting kegsters so often.

We should do something. We need to do something. We need to do something now! We need to try to keep several steps ahead of them even though they’ll keep trying to find a new way. That includes at our games.

The away games. Fuck. I forgot about the away games. FUCK!

Shit. We’re fucked. We’re so f—

“Billy!”

Pa’s voice forces me to stop walking, and it’s then that I see that I’m at least twenty yards ahead. Billy, you fucking idiot. Hell of a son you are.

“Shit,” I blurt out while rushing back. “I-I’m so—”

Pa cuts me off: “Enough of that. Right now, I just need you to breathe.”

It’s only at his request that I realize my breaths come in rapid gasps and that the hand I’m offering shakes violently.

I try to do as I’ve been taught, but I can’t seem to get anything under control. Pressure builds behind my eyes. Oh, now you’re going to cry about it?

A hand firmly clasps my shoulder, and I look up to see Pa heaving deep even breaths for me to focus on. It’s not easy, but eventually I force myself back on track.

Once stability’s restored, Pa tentatively asks, “What’s the matter, Billy?”

This time, I don’t have to make the truth a technicality: “Just wondering how the school’s going to deal with the media and security issues.”

Pa nods and thankfully doesn’t ask me to elaborate. “I’m sure they’ll figure something out.”

I’m also thankful that he leaves it at that and doesn’t try to further any reassurance as we continue walking in silence.

A silence which only lasts for another few minutes. “So… your captains are together.”

When Pa comments like that, without the crowds around, the situation feels even more naked than before. 

Maybe I can get something out of it though.

“Ayuh,” I mutter. “What do you think about it?”

Pa looks off at some unspecified point. “Well, I can say that my bombshell doesn’t compare to the one they set off,” he remarks with a wry smile and a waving of his forearm stump around the right side of his face.

Jesus Christ… “Jesus Christ, Pa.” It’s not like he hasn’t made similar jokes before, but I still fail to find them funny.

Pa rolls his eye and thumps me on the back. “To answer your question… I don’t know what to think. Though it’s not like it affects us,” he states with a shrug.

It affects us more than you think. “You do know that a lot of queer folk come Downeast, right?”

“Ayuh, and I know they help keep Mount Desert’s economy afloat. Make great music too. They still just pass through at most.”

So is that how it will be okay? As long as distance is maintained?

“Well one of them is going to be officially leading me.”

Pa creases his brow. “Yeah, he is, isn’t he.”

“The other did lead me, and it’s not like he became magically bi after graduation.”

“Hm…”

My jaw clenches. At least it’s not fucking “huh”.

Our porch light shines into view and guides us inside. Once we get to the kitchen, Pa takes his prescribed painkillers while I watch; I know it’s irrational of me as he hasn’t gotten hooked so far, and it’s not like I’m here all the time, but I can’t help it after a few recent cases.

As he sets his glass down, Pa sighs, “Look, Billy. I know they’re your friends. So maybe I don’t get it. Doesn’t matter. I trust your judgement.”

It does matter. But still… “Thank you.”

“Hell, they’re welcome to stop by.” Pa barely finishes his statement before barking out a laugh and shaking his head. For a brief moment my stomach clenches until he murmurs, “Like a Falconer would come here…”

I hide my relief with a huff: “You never know. You saw how full of surprises they are.”

That gets a much warmer laugh from him. “Ayuh. They really don’t do anything halfway, do they.”

For once, I allow myself to join in on the laughs. Maybe things can be alright. Maybe they will be alright.

Maybe… just maybe… “Pa, I—”

“Though I’m not sure if I can handle any more surprises,” Pa chuckles before looking up at me. “You say something?”

… it will be a disaster. “Nothing. It’s nothing.”

I say goodnight, Pa pulls me in for a one-armed hug, and I make the obligatory noises of protest when he kisses my forehead.  

Then I walk to my room and shut the door to let darkness envelop me.

“Nothing at all.”

[kendrixtermina]

Extra Typology Vol #3 - Part , A: 10- The Adventurous Style (Basics)

We’re now getting to the more uncommon styles, which nonetheless have left important marks in human consciousness and history - and none perhaps more so than the Adventurous style, the daredevil explorers of life, for who else would have lead humanity on its venture throughout the world until we reached the recesses of Australia and South America and all the pacifc islands? Who else woud have dared to cross the sound barrier and walk on the moon?

People of the Adventurous style are bold noncomformists who aren’t bound by the same terrors and worries that limit the rest of us - they live on the edge, challenging boundaries, restrictions and even their own mortality. 

On the classic enneagram this would roughly correspond to 8w7 or 7w8, or a Se dominant in the mbti and especially the socionics equivalent. 

The Six Domains

Self

Adventurous individuals are hungry for the peak experience that lets them know they are alive, and they need thrill & stimulation the way most of us need food & water - If this is your dominant style, you’re most likely a (cognitive) extrovert, needing a lot of excitement to stay engaged & happy.

For many an Adventurous person, fulfilling their thrill quotient in their reason for being, be it in sports, careers, their sex lives, or the stock market (or, I’d wager, 4chan) - of course, it matters greatly how they do it. If a person makes sure to take basic precautions, pick their battles & avoid affecting others they’ll have exciting meaningful lives; If they don’t,  

There’s probably a of this trait in both criminals and crime fighters, the bravest heroes & the most inscrupulous villains. (Indeed it’s happened a few times that some scientists who were working mostly with criminals thought they’d identified genes or brain features that mark “psychopaths”, only to find later that plenty of people doing risky jobs like soldiers, fire-fighters, enterpreneurs etc. had it - they weren’t nuts they just had decreased fear responses. )  

As with all styles in which the Self is a key domain, Advnturous individuals are fundamentally out for themselves  - they seek intense, visceral experience because they want it - If they have some amount of the Self-Confident style in them, they’ll be ambitious to break records & make a name for themselves in the process but otherwise, the adrenaline rush itself may suffice - generaly highly adventurous individuals do not need others to fuel their self-esteem or give purpose to their lives, and do not easily make sacrifices for them  - which does not mean that they can’t or won’t relate to others or that they can’t advance a cause alongside their own pursuits - Others people often feature into the Adventurer’s exciting plans , be it as a sexual experience or as part of a team of Antarctic explorers - but what gives the experince meaning for the Adventurer is not primarily the love of a person, country or cause but the aliveness that they experience in the moment -

Because of that, adventurous types don’t require anyone’s approval for what they seek out in life - instead they follow their inner moral codes and in  a healthy individual, there will be a definite sense inner sense of right & wrong and of what is important to them & that is generally enough to sustain them; they go their own way, but as corollary they’re unlikely to change important parts of their lives (say, a dangerous hobby like motorcycle racing) just because someone asks them to. 

Self-Control

The Adventurous style confers a freedom almost entirely unknown to other personality styles- depending on how strongly it is present, people with this style will be relatively free of concerns about consequences and experience life as it unfolds in the moment, without thinking ahead or looking back; 

As such, they have an easier time adapting, reacting or just following their instincts in the moment than someone who’s thinking about other stuff - they experience fear as more thrilling than chilling, trust their guts and act easily on impulses, and, as such, might seem reckless to others but ultimately, they count on their wits, ingenuity, physical prowess & determination to get them through a situation - fear hightens their excitement,  their focuses their concentration and sharpens their senses. 

But because they live for the present with little thought for tomorrow, people of this style aren’t really planners and don’t generally plot courses toward future goals - furthermore, they have little tolerance for frustratoin and tend to resist discipline, at least such as it is imposed by society and authority (they can be exceedingly disciplined & skilled when it comes to their pursuits) - 

Generally speaking they don’t anticipate but believe in tackling things as they come and that if things don’t work one way, they’ll find another. A consequence of this is that they’re quite easy with money, they spend, gamble, invest and, coupled with some good gut sense, can sometimes make a bundle and if they lose, they don’t feel too upset & make do without it, living by the belief that you win some, you lose some & you can’t win them all. They can be just as content with a bohemian life as with a decadently rich one - besides, they’re optimists and naturally appreciative of the opportunities inherent in any moment and as such often easily capable of pulling themselbes back up - Others, of course, might not be so blasé, being willing to rake in the profits when their Adventurous friends are doing well, but expressing outrage at their irresponsibility when they take losses. 

Living such an unconstrained, noncomformist existence in which one follows whim & impulse with little worry or self-control can lead to a very full, exciting life, 

In individuals with more mixed personality patterns, other styles can provide more receptiveness for potential dangers or the reactions of loved ones, but it can also merely serve to mask the person’s risk taking nature & thus up the stakes - No one will see it coming when a gamble backfires, they will also be much more upset than a more purely Adventurous person - Oldham details the case of a Conscientious/Adventurous investor who, upon first glace, appeared like a typical Conscientious person who was thrisfty and conservative in her private life and worked for charitable non-profif organizations. However, she had a hidden adventure-loving side which initially helped her make big gains or her clients through speculative investments. Then, however, market conditions changed and some very worthy organizations ended up backrupt - Her clients were shocked at her “two sides” and because she was still predominantly Conscientious, she couldn’t shrug it off the way a more predominantly Adventurous person would have & spiralled into a fullblown mental breakdown after her career and reputation went down in flames. 

Such people might actually be better off if they found constructiive outlets for their adventurous tendencies rather than denying it & justifying risk-taking decisions as being perfectly foolproof. - many people have such conflicting or even contradictory personality patterns, the challenge is to recognize all trends, understand their effects on domains of functioning and to direct their influences into the expansion of one’s life rather than self-defeating conflicts.

(A/N The investment lady from the above example sounds like she’d make a very interesting character for a novel. A lady in a male-dominated environment, moral ambiguit,  a conflicted, complex “more-than-meets-the-eye personality and a tragic downfall? Delicious!

Or one could think of James T. Kirk,( though he’s sort of the opposite - in his case the Adventurous is more overt while the side of him that is pretty moral and keenly feel the responsibility of command is more subdued) who was a much decorated, valliant person & generally more sensible, moral and chivalrous than he’s remembered these days, but did always have a pronounced ‘animal’ side to him that he was stuck with because it was ultimately a source of his strenght - but also left him struggling to cope when he grew older and some consequences of his lifestyle caught up to him. And there’s how he takes over the Enterprise alongside his longtime friend a more cocky adventurous type, except Mitchell gets himself driven mad by weird space phenomena in the first episode so that Kirk ends up becoming BFF with the Serious-Vigilant McCoy and the Solitary-Conscientious Spock instead who are both quite different from him but compliment him all the better - TOS would likely have been a very different show if Mitchell had lived, especially since Spock may not have ended up coming out of his shell & befriending the other crew members if it wasn’t for Kirk needing to rely on him a lot as a confidant & came closer to him in the process)

Emotions

Predominantly Adventurous people are not the type to hide their feelings - wether they’re feeling sexual, enthusiastic or angry, you will know it immediately. This type isn’t marked by very much restaint so if a very adventurous person has a bone to pic with you, you’ll do well to stand back. 

Most of the time, Adventurous people will be cheerful and eager to enjoy life - whatever negative feelings or dissapointments they experience are immediately rerouted into action and derring-do and if something does manage to upset them, they generally cope well - they almost always land on their feet and figure out some way to survive. 

Worldview

Adventurous types generally know what’s what out in the world, what’s valued or expected... and they don’t care.

To them, life is a game of getting around the rules of convential obligations and going beyond the established limits - and they are determined to prove that they are among the greatest, saviest players around - To them, life is one big opportunity to do as they please, and they refuse to be slaves to the system  when they could rather outwit it - as they follow their own internal sense of right or wrong, they won’t necessarily buy the “official” version and may bend or break the rules for expediency or when they think the rules don’t make sense - For better o for worse, their morals are on the more flexible end. 

Work

Their primary rule when it comes to their work - as in all of their life - is that they must be faced with a challenge. 

If their work - and this includes their risk-tking sports and/or hobbies - provides that challenge, they can work well, with all the discipline, concentration and responsibility that is required to meet that challenge  - as such, people with this style can make highly skilled fighter pilots, stunt people, combat soldiers, tighrope walkers etc - careers in which one false move could be their last one. 

If their personality also includes a more job/ambition-oriented ‘head-style’ such as conscientious, self-confident or Aggressive, they might rise to considerable accomplshments in their careers, and their adventurous side will enjoy the unique challenges posed by the high-profile work, say, as heart surgeons or lawyers - It helps that Adventurous types are generally good talkers who can persuade almost everybody into almost everything, though such combinations can backfire if the adventurer fails to calculate the risks in such a high-stakes situation. 

With or without moderating influences, Adventurous types are good workers when they want to be, as long as the work provides new projects and renewed excitement, but although they may be enterpreneurs, they’re not your typical management material as they operate on instinct and ingenuity rather than intellect, resist authority and are poor planners who deplore the tedious follow-through, refuse to take responsibility for other people and don’t tend to be very careful with money or budgets - besides, Adventurers are easily bored and no matter how sucessful they are, if their work doesn’t stimulate them, they’ll peter out and move on - financial rewards alone are generally not suficient to keep them motivated once they lose interest and they will prefer a full & engaging life to a rich and comfy one.

But as they’re usually innovative & ressourceful, Adventurous types can usually find some way to outwit the conventional obligations that most people can’t escape and find a way to live happily without a permanent job or hometown, working as life guards, ski instructors, stockbrokers, bouncers, journalists, truck drivers or salespeople, marketing whatever skills they have

Relationships

What fun would life be without someone to share the good adventures? 

Adventurous types are typically extroverts and tend to be drawn to people like themselves who like actions and will go for broke - many people are attracted to them and not just those who identfy with them - even relatively ‘straight’ people might find it easier to break loose a little with the Adventurous person leading the way. 

Adventurous people make exciting friends and extraordinary playmates & lovers - they value the pleasures of the flesh and are a good choice for a hot and heavy affair - but don’t count on the person to settle down. Adventurers aren’t often in it for the long term and when the fire dies or the newness simply fades, they become restless - while they enjoy companionship, they place little emotional stock in togetherness or love and may not understang the the spiritual and/or moral significance it has for many people - and they certainly don’t comprehend dependency. For an adventurer, a relationship is important mostly for the pleasurable excitement it can provide. 

Individuals with this style do not easily make sacrifices for other people, and that includes fidelity. Even if they have a more mixed pattern, an Adventurer who remains in a relationship past the exciting, passionate time, they will rarely remain sexually faithful - more than almost any other style, the Adventurous brings with it a need for a variety of sexual experiences - they may be willing to tolerate marriage for a special person, espcially if the style is more moderate,  but they’ll likely still have extramarital affairs and one-night stands. The infidelity isn’t meant to punish or hurt the spouse, but nonetheless they might fail to realize how it can be deeply hurtful, even intolerable to the spouse. 

In modern times a constructive solution for this might be polyamory or open marriages, but it still happens that the partner goes along with it out of infatuation & desire to appear open-minded but cannot actually live with it for long - 

(the book gives an example of someone who was outright into group sex and open relationships but his girlfriend eventually realized she wasn’t really long-term okay with it - I suppose you have to really know yourself for this, saying you’re okay with it when you’re not rather defeats the point of ‘free love’ which is about being free while taking the pressure & deception out of it - there are some indications that some people may be genetically or hormonally predisposed to prefer multiple partners - that’s no exuse for lying & hurting people’s feelings, but if it’s a normal human variation you’d think that such people should be able to find happiness somehow, just as much as, say, a Sensitive person who’d reserve sex for waaay into the relationship and dreams of a 50 year marriage.)

Sexually or otherwise, Adventurous individuals simply do not see themselves as obligated to anyone - they will remain in a relationship as long as it feels right to them simply because they believe that every individual on the planet - including themselves! - is responsible for themselves. They don’t have their antennae of the feeling of others by default, they don’t worry about anyone and allow others plenty of room to do as they please & feel no moral pressure to save a relationship just for the sake of saving it or because they feel they ove the partner something for having been involved in the first place and as in other aspects of their lives, they don’t really build for the future, be it alone or together.

Thus, if infidelity isn’t what breaks up a couple, it may simply be that the adventurous partner has no incentive to endure the tempering of passions that almost always occurs as a relationship grows and changes - few relationships can offer the perpetual peak experiences that the Adventurer desires, but a change of parners will usually provide stimulation - 

As such, the strongly adventurious may never marry, preferring a series of temporary relationships instead - if they do marry, they might be unfaithful, or go through a series of several marriages, taking each for what it’s worth and moving on. 

This doesn’t mean that they can’t have a long-lasting, meaningful relationship, though - it can happen, especially once they mellow with age, or if they find a partner who is reasonably independent and accepts them as they are and doesn’t expect more than they are willing to give.

Life Choices

Leadership

It’s rare to find a predominantly Adventurous person in a regular nine to five job, let alone management, and certainly not in a management position - but sometimes, in a creative, nontraditional enterprise, a highly Adventurous person will have a brilliant idea and, through magnetism, attrack others to join in the excitement and carry the idea through.

Adventurous people certainly have style,  but they’re not effective managers in the traditional sense - they have charisma tough, and if the rewards keep coming in, someone with planning skills may stick around and make sure that th bets are adequatly hedges and that the enterprise keeps functioning - however, there’s a risk that the Adventurous manager may well lose interest once everything’s up and running, become inattentive to what others at doing and put everything that they inspired at risk. 

Job Recomendations

If Adventurous is your leading styles, you don’t need us to to tell you what to do (Yes this is a 1:1 quote from the book)

But if it’s one of your styles, you might be more satisfied with your life if you recognized and accepted your Adventurous need for action, excitement and change. Avoid routine & drudgery. Look for work that involves frequent, time-limited new projects such as in work for newspaper or magazine publishing. Stay clear of middle management or any other position where you must be subordinate to others - in other words, be on the solo track. Look for work in a high glamour, high excitmenent field such as investment banking, arbitrage, advertising and entertainment. Sales may also appeal to you - you’re a good persuader and may enjoy the challenge of working on comission. 

Consider marketing your skills on a freelance or conulting basis or explore the possibility of turning a hobby into an income producer. 

Or, hang in there when you’re going through a boring phase in your work - remember, as soon as you’re finished for the day, you can go and take your flying lesson - but remember to hedge your bets: Many predominantly Adventurous people can pick themselves up after a big fall, but can you?

Stress Sources

Generally speaking, Adventurous people don’t feel much stress and when under pressure,  default to action rather than worry or moping - 

The one exeption is when they can’t act due to frustration or confinement - then they become restless, angry and disgruntled, much like caged animals, though they are good at righting themselves quickly and returning to their optimistic state. 

Another thing that has a way of ceeping up on very Adventurous people is age - they’re adolescents at heart, but their friends and parents may become worried about security in their old age & leave them as the gap between the adventurous person & the genuinely youthful grows & the experience themselves as becoming less attractive and limited by infirmities and age-related frailties which can be difficult for them to accept - especially since this sort of behavior is seen as way more culturally appropiate or accepted in younger people.

- while most others spend some time contemplating their mortality and the narrowing of their omnipotence, the facts of life’s limitations can hit adventurers late and hard, and they can find themselves hit by sudden depressing thoughts & full blown midlife crises despite a lifetime of challenging the odds. Some of them might mellow out with age, get married late in life and learn to appreciate calmness for the first time, or they’ll find some way to keep up a risky lifestyle well into old age. 

Parenting

Adventurous types aren’t good with long-term relationships, including those with children - They may care are lot for them and feel sad that they can’t come thrugh for them more, but in the end they just aren’t very reiable and will tend to go their own way when their wanderlust draws them away - often the other partner will end up doing most of the parenting especially if the relationship that produced the kids doesn’t last, as it often happens given their on average short relationship lenght.  

When they are with the kids,  Adventurers may assume that what’s good for them is good for the kids or that what they want is in their best interests, and may end up exposing the kids to risks or fail to teach them caution - or fail to consider how the risks they take with their own life might impact the family. They aren’t naturally tuned into other feelings. 

Yet for all the likely downsides, Adventurous style parents may be exciting, interesting, noncritical, and may open up a big world for their children. They may prove irresponsible, impatient and hot-tempered but they’re full of energy, curiosity and good spirt & can present as ‘cool’, romantic, swashbuckling figures - It’s essential for a full-time, on-the-scene non adventurous parent to be there  and be sufficiently reliable and protective though. 

(I think the movie “Thank you for smoking” is a pretty good example of what such a parent would be like. The protagonist is an obvious logical subtype ENTP and a kind of amoral lobbyist but he does have some lessons to teach the kid in a way, its actually quite interesting... though there’s probably some potential for less savory/healthy examples to be your classic deadbeat dads or worse.)

Romantic Compatibility

The Adventurous need partners that don’t expect too much of them but are still willing to make room for them in their lives, though they need to be sufficiently mature & realistic to make sure they don’t sacrifice their own hapiness in the process

The Best chance for a long-term relationship would be someone with the Self-Sacrificing and/or the Dramatic style, as the former provides the necessary flexibility and the latter’s lively, flexible manner provides compatibility & stimulation,  perhaps with a dash of Conscientious in the combination to provide a compensatory sense of responsibility. However,the person should be a mature specimen so they won’t become too needy for attention or too reliant on the Adventurer for life responsibilities.

But given this type’s nonmonogamous, present-oriented style, it may be more helpful to consider good short-term matches - In that case, highly Dramatic types, other Adventurers and the Mercurial, who are all out for intense & novel experiences in life, will hit it off the best. 

Another good possibility is the Leisurely style as they are also pleasure seekers and fairly easygoing. However, they tend to put up with the rules rather than bend them & be more passive in their entertainments which could create friction. 

Styles that care a lot about fidelity or securty, such as Vigilant, Devoted or Sensitive should be avoided as this is likely to lead to an unpleasant experience for both partners - the adventurer will feel annoyed & constrained and the other person will have their little heart broken.

Specific Issues

Adventurers throughout the course of life

People with the adventurous personality style were often mischievious little hellraisers as children - They tend to be rowdy, rule-breaking, high-energy youngsters that are hard for their parents and teachers to discipline.

As children, they might be incorrigible pranksters or get into fights, as teens, they might neglect shool, do dangerous dares or experiment with weed, and as young adults, they may spend a lot of time partying, travel around the world with little money, getting by on odd jobs and bring home a lot of sexual conquests. 

To some extent we expect young people to be rebellious, but under the expectation they will eventually settle into productive, saer more socially acceptable pursuits - and usually that is the case. Adventurous types may be particularly wild in these youthful excesses, but they mature & mellow with age as much as any other type would - Though they don’t lose their mischievousness or appreciation of challenge they generally get better at picking their battles and pursuing their goals without unwelcome side effects

(A/N: Indeed there have been studies showing that a rebellious, rule-breaking child is far more likey to become an enterpreneur or a leader than a criminal - unless the adults go overboard with disciplining & punishing them. Attempting to break their will is actually counterproductive.)

[penelope1730]

Molly Hooper Unplugged.

Series 4 Sherlock is not what I expected. Over all, I liked it. A lot. It’s not without it’s problems though. From a viewer’s perspective that is. I'm not going to trash the writers because, in fact, I have tremendous appreciate for their creative process, intelligence and brilliance.

As with the books, the writers set out to tell us stories in similar fashion to the canon literature. John Watson is considered the narrator but, in fact, is the peripheral story-teller. Sherlock, himself, is the primary narrator. Not only that, Sherlock tells us his stories retrospectively. Meaning that from beginning to end the story has already happened. It’s done and over, with Sherlock telling us: ‘Okay, this is what went down.”

Mark Gatiss made an interesting comment once that he and Moffat write the stories from end to beginning. It’s the only way they can detail the cases, the story-line and Sherlock’s elaborate deductions. Truly, it’s a clever approach. But, and this is important, it’s also why the audience rarely receives the resolution they want, or feel they deserve. Sherlock – as the narrator – won’t say. He gives the viewer what he chooses and then leaves us to figure out the rest.

As I looked back upon every episode from the very beginning, this particular format is consistent. It also explains why there’s an abhorrent lack of Molly this season. Sherlock is her avenue and narrator, and he’s not talking. Throughout the series, there have only been two exceptions to this: The Sign of Three and His Last Vow.

The writers love Louise Brealey. They adore her and they adore Molly. Molly is introduced to the audience in ASiP with Sherlock. It’s their “meet cute” – which tells us she’s important – even though she was initially considered a one-off character. Sherlock, however, had other plans and wanted her to stick around. He’s the one who’s chosen her fate in the stories, not the writers.

I know, I know – it’s a weird and unusual way to look at this. The writers are, after all, penning this series and in charge, right? Yes, of course. At the end of the day, however, they are two of the biggest Sherlock Holmes fan boys and they have deferred many decisions to this fictional character.

So, strange as it might sound, anyone who writes stories knows there’s more than a kernel of truth in this. We might think we’re in charge of the characters we create, but really – we’re in guardianship. Sherlock is no exception to this because he’s a long established character in literary fiction.

Many years ago, the ground-breaking television series, The X-Files, elucidated this fact (in an extreme way) with an episode called, Milagro. The writer, Phillip Padgett, experiences his character come to life, who creates all sorts of murderous mayhem.

“When you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be truth.”

Fox Mulder used that exact quote from Sherlock Holmes in the Milagro episode to convince his FBI partner, Dana Scully, that this is exactly what was happening.

So, if anyone, besides myself, is wondering why we’re not seeing Molly all that much – it’s because of Sherlock. At the same time, he also gives us wonderful clues (because that’s what he does) as to why this is and what happened. All we have to do is observe and don his methods of deductions.

This, by the way, will have little to do with sub-text. That’s a very different animal. Instead, we have to infer and make some logical leaps based upon the evidence given. To be honest, this has been part of the fun of watching Sherlock. But, it can also be frustrating, exhaustive, and even disheartening, when viewers aren’t given any kudos for figuring things out, or for even trying. That does, in my opinion, lie within the hands of the writers. After all, they do have creative latitude.

There are two things that left me saying ‘Huh?’ regarding Molly in series 4.

Her diminished presence.

Her strong resistance to say, ‘I Love You.’

For me to understand, I did a cursory review of Molly’s history, which isn’t hard. Especially as there’s this infuriating, ongoing belief with journalists, casual and not-so-casual viewers, that Molly’s emotional hesitancy in saying ‘I Love You’ to Sherlock is somehow the result of a bizarre form of post-trauma from season one.

Nothing could be further from the truth. Molly / Sherlock ‘shippers’ (and I'm one) know this because we’re not simply watching a television show, we’re observing all the nuances of what’s presented / not presented, that others either don’t see, choose not to see, or believe unimportant.

First, I want to lay the basis that Molly’s “unrequited” love for Sherlock has not remained an issue since A Scandal In Belgravia (s2e1). Nor has she been mocked or ridiculed by Sherlock over her affection for him. The opposite of this is true and also shown.  

Beginning with The Reichenbach Fall, Sherlock and Molly have grown closer and share an intimacy that none of the other characters are made privy. It’s not romantic intimacy, that we know of, but a deeply valued and trusted friendship.

Sherlock turns to Molly in one of his greatest moments of need. She becomes his confidant at a time when things are, quite frankly, frightening for him. Molly, along with a host of others, help Sherlock plan his demise. Her role, as Sherlock later reveals, was not only invaluable, but that she is the one person who mattered the most. Whether his comment is based on the Moriarty deal, or a commentary about how he now views her, it doesn’t really matter. What this scene from The Empty Hearse showed viewers is that Molly and Sherlock have grown. Their relationship dynamics have shifted to a new dance. There’s more than a hint of attraction from both, and whether or not you want to ‘friend-zone’ them, the sentiment still stands: they hold a palpable love for one another.  

Viewers are also made aware in this episode that Molly has “moved on” and engaged to a guy who is a distorted facsimile of Sherlock’s physical characteristics. We think that scene is about Molly and it is – but it’s also about Sherlock. The look on his face when he meets Tom is priceless.

Sherlock has never dealt very well when confronted with Molly’s involvement with other men. It’s not sub-text or speculation…it’s shown. Given the fact this man lives in a state of emotional infancy, especially during The Great Game, he might not really understand why he viciously cock-blocked Jim-from-IT-Moriarty, angering / embarrassing Molly in the process.

He does learn, however. Otherwise, he’s not a very good genius.

I'm not sure why it’s hard to understand that series 3 Molly is not harboring unrequited love. Sherlock is. Yes, it’s a strange sort of love because he represses his emotions and impulses, I'll grant you. He doesn’t show it overtly, but it’s there.

The tables have been flipped on Sherlock, because although his seeping emotions are masked behind logic and rationalism, or ridiculous excuses – he’s actually the one seeking out Molly.

Molly keeps him on his toes by her openness and authenticity. She even shared that she’s having quite a bit of sex, which really does blow the gasket in his Vulcan mind. He has no idea how to process this info. Ironically, her words are sort of a call back to his from The Great Game, when he’s having a hissy fit and tells John he’s not interested in the solar system, or who’s having sex with who. Molly’s having sex, Sherlock. Does it need mentioning that their romantic involvements have always mirrored one another, too?

Sherlock does find a way to get in another deliberate, but very subtle cock-block regarding Molly’s fiancé during John and Mary’s reception. Of course it bothered her, somewhat. She wasn’t devastated or traumatized over the fact that Sherlock just showed her, again, that her choice in men will always be woefully inadequate compared to him. She’s really rather proud of him in this episode, and swooning a bit.

Truthfully, both Molly and Sherlock have some version of brainiac jealousy / possessiveness going on, but still, Molly adores him, OPENLY, by the way. She’s not hiding it.

All of this gels to demonstrate that Molly’s emotional 180 in The Final Problem over saying ‘I love you’ is NOT because she’s been sitting around for seven years, crying in margaritas over this guy.

It’s about something else entirely. The timeline between TSoT and His Last Vow hold the answer. Something happened between them that came very close to destroying their relationship. Sherlock gives us a few clues in HLV. First, there’s this:

“How dare you throw away the beautiful gifts you were born with. And how dare you betray the love of your friends. Say you’re sorry!”

“Sorry you’re engagement’s over, although fairly grateful for the lack of a ring.”

Great dialogue! Especially if we’re looking through Sherlock’s eyes and know he’s been staying at her beautiful home, which we find out later on. This bit of info comes from Molly, when she breaks the fourth wall of television by interacting with viewers directly.

We can take Molly’s scolding of Sherlock at face value. He’s using (drugs) and by doing so letting down his friends and himself. Bad Sherlock.

I believe, however, this is more than chastising Sherlock for reckless behavior. The following, by the way, is about subtext, because that’s where we have to look and infer. Subtext, while a valid form of information, can be a dangerous little guy, because we project based upon our individual filters and desires. It’s important to keep this in mind when inferring possibilities.

I'm also not being dismissive of drug use, at all, but attempting to fill the blanks that currently hold cognitive dissonance based upon everything we’ve been show up until now. We went from HappyMolly and HappySherlock to ‘what-the-hell-is-going-on’?

Clearly, whatever it is, it’s origin lies in love and betrayal. And, other than in Sherlock’s mind palace after being shot – we only see Molly one more time, when she tells us about her bedroom as Sherlock’s bolt hole.

His Last Vow ends without any resolution between the two. Or so we believe.

But, I'll get back to this.

There’s head canons and fanfic to fill in the missing gaps of HLV, but The Abdominal Bride does a great job at summing things up in a nutshell.

This episode, in which Sherlock sets about solving 121 year old murder case from the Victorian era, is about the long-lasting consequences of using, objectifying, misleading, abusing, disparaging and basically the all around diminished and misogynistic treatment of women.  

There’s also quite a bit of symbology wrapped up in Sherlock’s psychedelic trip. He’s solving a crime from another century, but he’s still got his Scooby gang by his side. They’re all consistent with their modern, present day counterparts, filling the same functions and roles when Sherlock isn’t following Alice down the rabbit hole.

With the exception of Molly.

The role of a pathologist / medical examiner was not typically filled by a woman in this era. As a result, Molly has to be concealed as a man. Perfectly reasonable. What’s different, however, is the relationship between she and Sherlock. It’s cold, if not a bit derisory and bitter.

John’s role is interesting regarding Molly because it’s not John, but instead Sherlock’s projection. Victorian John tells ‘Dr Hooper’ that he’s not Sherlock’s puppy, that he can see through her disguise and sympathizes with what one has to do to be recognized in the world.

We can take that conversation at face value. It is what it is. But, maybe it’s worth considering that this might also be Sherlock’s conscience seeping through, imprinting itself on the state of affairs between he and Molly. In Sherlock's words, John is a "romantic" - he sees things Sherlock can't - so there is some validity with the idea that he might need John's 'eyes' to see his way through this. To see Molly past the façade of anger and self-protection. I'm sure there are other great interpretations.

From a symbolic perspective, TAB was Sherlock reconciling, or at least beginning to make amends to Molly (as well as other women he’s used: Janine).

Now is where speculation comes in regarding the timeline between TSoT, HLV and TAB.

Let’s say Sherlock was using Molly’s home as a bolt hole. Maybe not the first time, so he likes it, and it gives him the space and privacy to work on the Magnussen case. If this is true, it’s probably because it’s too complicated for him to work at Baker St, especially as he’s fake wooing Janine to get to her boss.

The other thing that’s taking place is that he’s using. How often and how much is unsure, but he did look pretty strung out at the hospital. And, when Sherlock uses, he’s a very different person.

Molly and Janine mirror one another, although Sherlock’s feelings, thoughts and opinions toward each are drastically different.

Dependent upon when Sherlock began using Molly’s home, if he’s using her home (he does have other bolt holes) – she might still be engaged to Tom. It’s conjecture, but she probably is. Sherlock tells John that he’s been fake dating Janine for a month, which means this started almost immediately after the wedding.

Realistically, I don’t think anyone expected the engagement between M/T to last, but it doesn’t mean Molly wasn’t sincere or didn’t love him. So, Sherlock’s presence and the use of her home – especially her bedroom, a space that implies intimacy - is bound to inflict some legitimate strain on a relationship that’s already falling apart.

Any number of scenarios could have played out. Tom might have given Molly an ultimatum? M/T might have decided to take a time-out? Guess away.  

Sherlock might be influencing Molly through subtle means to end her engagement. He might turn up the charm and possibly – in one way or another – woo her as well. Maybe lead her to believe something was possible between them? Which he might consider true, at some point. He doesn't want her with other men, but won't allow a proper resolution to their attraction. His use of drugs could make it easier for him to make those personality / conscience shifts necessary to do what he’s doing.

If this happened, and there’s nothing to say it did – just using TAB as a blueprint since Molly was included with the ‘brides’ – it really is unconscionable on his part. Although, and this is NOT in any way an excuse of his behavior – his superiority and arrogance did slap him hard - because he actually cares and loves Molly, so his potential motivations with her are very different than with Janine. Knowing this does not make it better or right. He’s taking drugs - he’s in ‘the Game Is On’ mode and not making good decisions.

Perhaps Molly found out about Janine and they had a chat? Yeah, it’s a bit soap opera-ish – but how else would Janine know Sherlock used her? John? Magnussen? She was very quick with her ‘for profit’ revenge plan. More than likely Magnussen told her…he enjoys the suffering of others.

However she found out, Molly would have confronted Sherlock. Sherlock might not have shown any remorse for using someone as a ‘means to an end’ (Janine), while attempting to deduce Molly by saying her LOVE for Tom was equally specious. He did say, during his best man speech, that “All emotions, and in particular love, stand opposed to the pure, cold reason I hold above all things.” We know this isn’t entirely true, and he knows it as well. But, if he attempted to make a point to Molly about her actions, as a parallel to his, all while HIGH, wow – it crashed and burned.

I'm not saying this is what happened. Just tossing out the idea. But, it does make the M/S hospital scene even more poignant. It’s their break-up fight.

If Sherlock did any of this, it would be hard to forgive. Molly would have to dig really deep inside her to make a journey back as his friend. Their relationship is fractured and rests on a precariously balanced fulcrum. Betrayal by love is a huge theme in His Last Vow.

There are two external events, which help pull them back into each other’s orbit.

Sherlock is shot. Sherlock murders Magnussen.

I'm sure this would help soften Molly, in as much as tragedy can put things into perspective very quickly. Being deeply wounded by someone you love doesn’t mean you stop loving them – although it’s possible. Maybe the time between being shot and killing Magnussen Sherlock made a sincere effort to make amends with her? I imagine he would, but their relationship has been severely strained and Molly keeps clear distance.

I'm really, really, really speculating on this one – but, maybe Mary reached out to Molly as someone to lean on? We never see these two interact (other than the christening) which is a shame. There is, however, an ever-so-slight seed that might suggest Mary’s involvement, which we got in TAB. Mary is the one who discovers the brides. And, Mary is put on the case by Mycroft. So, maybe Mycroft knows there’s been a fall-out. Again, sounds like a twisted sort of soap opera – but there’s some precedence for this, too.

Mycroft knows Molly. She was a the most significant person in TRF plan. We’ve also seen him request her assistance at the morgue prior to this (ASiB). Who knows. What we do know, is that when Sherlock uses and comes off drugs – Mycroft calls in as many resources as possible. If there is a fracture between Molly and Sherlock, it will be seen as a risk, which requires a fix. Mary could help with this. Furthermore, in TAB, Mycroft tells Sherlock this is a war (women) he (they) must lose. Meaning, Sherlock fucked up. Big time. He’s got to set it right.

Some headway is made, because the bride scene in TAB shows Sherlock acknowledging his mistakes and remorse. We then see where the relationship is left between M/S with two words: “Hooper / Holmes.”  

They can face each other, be in the same room, but it’s chilly.

Series 4 reflects this in Molly’s absence as well as her presence. But, she and Sherlock will continue to be pulled together through more external events.

They are Rosamund Watson’s godparents and on speaking terms.

They are also hit with a devastating, irretrievable blow: Mary’s death. This, along with profound grief, is enough to set aside any personal differences to come together and focus on the needs of others. Even though Sherlock takes himself to ‘hell and back.’

Molly speaks with Sherlock in TLD, and even acquiesces to his request for an ambulance. Molly does this on faith - she really doesn’t know what’s going on. There’s still an edge between them. He’s using, she’s stressed, he’s dying. She’s agreed to do her part in watching Sherlock through his withdrawal days, and meets he and John for birthday cake.

Concessions are being made.

Now we come to The Final Problem, where Molly is Sherlock’s third task. He has to get her to say I Love You, but their relationship remains somewhat perfunctory and cool. A lot of water has passed under their bridge and blind trust has not been established.

If anything remotely took place between them such as the above – whoa – it’s no surprise why this scene went down the way it did.

It also makes sense of Molly’s words: “Leave me alone.” “Why are you making fun of me?” “You know why.” “Of course you do.”

There’s two different events taking place that cause an intense emotional build-up and break-down between these two characters.

Molly is unable to push down her stress and sorrow any longer. It’s risen to the surface. There’s been too much, in a short amount of time, and something’s gotta give. We see her ignore Sherlock, which is an eye-opener for him, and even when she does answer her phone she’s direct and not interested in idle chit-chat.

Sherlock’s stress is mounting too. By virtue of Eurus’s game and the previous month’s events. He needs to ask something of Molly that he knows won’t be received well. Even if he tries to convince himself otherwise and feign ignorance.

It was a life or death moment from Sherlock’s perspective, but a ‘push come to shove’ for Molly. Both of them went through an emotional vivisection. Still, they said I love you and it was sincere and authentic.

At the end of that scene, however, neither one knows the consequences of this event. It’s not a happy moment, but instead filled with uncertainty and possibly more loss. Sherlock killed a coffin. Molly looks absolutely forlorn.

The ending montage is disappointingly neglectful of resolution. This is where the writers could have used a more creative latitude – more than .3 seconds of Molly’s happy smile. At least it was nice to get that, but gees, really?

If we’re looking at this from Sherlock’s point of view – Molly is happy. More than happy – she’s vibrant. Personally speaking, I can’t see any reason Molly would be presented this way had she and Sherlock not achieved some satisfactory relationship understanding regarding romantic love.

My heels aren’t dug in the sand regarding the above. I am truly open to other interpretations. For now, though, this was my exercise in explaining what wasn’t explained. She might be an insane murdering psychopath and brilliant beyond Newton, but Eurus was right when she said - context is everything.